Checkmate....

I don’t play chess and I would never play love

If life was as simple as paint by color picture or simple games of connect the dots, we could follow the directions to help us finish the perfect picture of how we see our future.

 Unfortunately it is not that easy. Instead our lives are more like a game of chess, with 16 intricate pieces that will affect how the game is played. Each piece has a particular role in the game, just like life. And much like our life, there are two main players, the King and the Queen, and the ultimate objective is to capture the opponent’s kings. However, the King is never captured, and there will come a time when the King is trapped, cannot move without being taken, it’s called Check Mate.

Now the Queen, awe the Queen, she is the most powerful chess piece you have. Since the queen can move whichever way she likes, I would advise you are careful and not give her up too easily, as losing this piece is the most devastating blow a player faces. And unfortunately for love, there is No Knight who will rescue you, No Rook to defend you, No Bishop to guard you, and well Pawns…yes there are Pawns who are there to manipulate you, but it is up to the Queen to know when to handle the situation…or in other words state “Check Mate” and declare the Game Over.

But life isn’t chess, and when we play, we get to a point or a cross roads if this is what you would call it where you decide this is the line. This is as far as I can go. When something hurts more than makes you smile, it’s time for you to be selfish and create a bridge to your heart, except this time, leave a guard out in front to protect you from it happening again. I am the type of person who would do anything for someone I love or care about; I often will put their feelings ahead of my own, because when they are happy, I am happy. Except, when you finally realize that you making them happy makes you hurt, than you must assess the rules of the game and maybe come up with a new set.

What are your rules? What is your self worth? I have personally experienced and have friends right now who fall into the same hurtful habit time and time again. Allowing people back into your life that tear you down emotionally, with their same behaviors, and those 6 steps forward you made, are now 10 steps back. Just with a tattoo or pregnancy, all that pain disappears over time, as well as the memory of the way someone treats you and that is why we allow ourselves to go back for more. If the painful memory remained, we wouldn’t dare tread back to a time, when tears came easier than smiling, where heartache, that painful solid heavy feeling in your chest, reminded you what it feels to love, and where sleepiness nights came easier, because you kept analyzing this imaginary fairy tale you have created in your head. So what can you do??

Determine the Risk… Sometimes the risk is just too great to go any further with this person, or maybe the risk with you is too much for them. The first thing we naturally want to do is pick ourselves apart, but maybe you were just what they wanted but losing you because they weren’t ready wasn’t something they could risk. Maybe it was meant to be, but now….Maybe you can’t be someone’s friend and the person they end up with. I’ve often heard that if you set it free and it returns it’s meant to be, but honestly, I think that in order to fully heal you need to move forward with the intention of them moving on without you as well.

“Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a person can do. Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so."

Help ME Help YOU...Help YOU Help Me....postive reflections of achieving happiness

Learning that giving has nothing to do with what you receive is a valuable lesson.  So many times in our lives, we have taken steps to change who we are based on how we are treated from others.  This comes from the foundation of lives with our upbringing, to the friends who have trusted us in their lives, and lastly from relationships we have engaged in.  We continue to mold ourselves based the on the expectations of what has not worked for us in the past, to a better and more prosperous future.  During this venture, we often step so far off the path of trying to make everyone else happy around us; we ultimately forget to make ourselves happy first.  At what expense do you lose yourself?  I would challenge each of you to think of three things that truly make you smile. Whether it is the smell of rain, seeing a rainbow on your drive to work, feeling the ocean in-between your toes, or if it is simply lying in your bed at the end of the day and feeling your body sink into a deep relaxation.  Centering your energy is not only a positive approach to life, but a gentle and natural reminder that we control all around us.  If you remain positive thru trials and tribulations, you are surrendering yourself and are open to positive energy and drawing the expected results back to you.  Try not to focus on an end result, but stay engaged in the active life in the present.  Therefore you are able to enjoy every second of it.  Often, while coaching people during running, they look forward and can only think about how far it is to the destination they are seeking.  I always remind them, look three steps in front of your toes. This is important, because accomplishing three steps at a time is a much easier task then the ten thousand you are going to take to complete five miles, or the fifty-five thousand steps it would take for you to finish a marathon.  As I said stay focused on the task at hand and you will always succeed in accomplishing your goals.   When you apply this method to your life, you are able to assess a situation clearly and you never get to ahead of yourself or your goals.  This is an easy application to any short or long term goal you may have.  You can apply it to weight loss, career moves, or relationships.  The result of focusing too far ahead in any situation creates an expectation of what we should get from this particular goal.  If I set a 10 pound weight loss as a total amount to lose, I get frustrated when I am only at a 3 pound weight loss.  I have lost the positive accomplishment of the 3 pounds that I was able to shed. I have looked too forward into the future.  Once you associate a negative association to your accomplishment, your 3 steps now become a negative connotation and you tend to not enjoy it as much.  This is the same for relationships.  Our culture wants everything right now!  We plan ahead and when we find someone we care about, we give our all, and expect the same in return.  We let ourselves fall for the other person, when in actuality we haven’t considered that they might not feel the same way.  We rushed past the 3 steps and are looking at the 5^th mile.  I understand why we do this, and it is because the end result is a positive feeling and ultimately it makes us feel good to feel love or to feel good about our bodies.  The point I am making is understand that everything does not come at the moment you need it to come.  Everything that is worth having taken time to accomplish.  To become a happier and better you takes knowing and loving yourself. Setting realistic goals, and celebrating each 3 steps you have taken.  Do not rush your goals, and do not let others do it for you. Surround yourself with people that make you smile and hold onto your values.  The more you honor yourself the better you with feel about yourself and those you love.  Accept the good! Know that even though something is not perfect, not to push it away, and when good things happen, let it in. Imagine the best and know imagining getting what you want is a big part of achieving it. As I said earlier, find the things you love, and find your purpose. Fulfill your soul, because if you are fulfilled, then you will attract people who want to enhance you and not change you.  Listen to your heart as you are the only one who truly understands what will make you happy. Push yourself and not others. You are in charge of your own happiness and once you stop blaming others for your disappointments, you will soon find your answers. Lastly, be open to change, share yourself emotionally, and bask in the simple pleasures of life.  When you are confronted with drama or situations that do not develop you positively, confront the issue, turn your back, and let it watch you walk away.  The sooner we understand that happiness and fulfillment are within your grasp, but sometimes out of our reach, is truly understand what works best for you and is the first step in finding it.

Is your Shot Half Empty or Half Full?

Examining where I am in my life I am very happy and content.  I have a successful career in the Air Force, obtaining E-8 at a very fast rate of 14 years.  I am educated, 6 classes from my Master’s degree and have put a time limit to be completed within my 15^th year in the Air Force.  I have been afforded the chance to have 2 beautiful children, and know what it’s like to be a wife.  Have met partner’s, some of now are my close friends, whom have helped me develop my standards for what I want in a lifelong partner, and have built an amazing support group of friends who are there for me thru my trials and tribulations.  I am fortunate to have a large family who has grown throughout the years, and we have made able attempts to spend quality time together over the past years.  I have found a love for physical fitness, and over the years have turned my body, into a temple.  God has afforded me the opportunity to live free of a disease ridden life, when I was subjected to not only Lupes on my mother’s side but also Polio on my father’s side.  Looking thru the hour glass, any person would say I have done very well for myself.  I look thru my hour glass and would have to agree, but instead of seeing my glass half full and or half empty, I keep looking at how to fill my glass to the rim.  I don’t want the option of having a glass that is not 100%.  How do I do this? How do you do this?

First, I think you examine, in what part of your life do you feel you are not measuring up in? I have two levels of filling my glass that need to be addressed.

To bring it to ¾’s full; I would have to examine the physical fitness portion.  When I look in the mirror, I see a fit, strong, and very healthy woman looking at me.  God gave me curves, and I have done well with them.  I think I am pretty and although there are things about me I wish I could change, I also know this is what I was born with, it makes me who I am, and we should embrace these Beautiful traits.  What I am discussing is more of a “maintaining” attitude.  People always find me in the gym and ask me what I do, so I know I am a great motivation to others, but why am I not motivating myself.  If you asked me what my goals were when it comes to working out, I would state. “I want to maintain”.  But inside, I really don’t.  I know I can be better, I know my body can be better; I think I am just having a hard time motivating myself to get there.  Maybe I am scared to push myself to the limits.  I have considered doing a Fitness Sculpting Competition in the past.  I have great muscle development and I know I would do well at it. But I am scared of one thing…I am scared to be judged.  What if I am not pretty enough, what if my butt looks bad in that tiny bikini, what if you can see my breast reduction scars?  All these things go thru my brain when I think of it.  They are limitations I have set for myself.  Before I have even begun to push myself to the limit, I have already backed out.  I have already convinced myself I may not measure up against competition.

Alright, now were getting closer to the top of the glass.  My second is validating my self-worth.  Knowing and accepting, screaming at the top of your lungs that you are worth more than you may have been afforded, but unlike others, you have now been offered the opportunity to do something about.  But knowing is such a weak word!  I know this, but do I believe it? Do any of you truly believe you are an amazing gift from God and deserve nothing less than happiness?  If you don’t, you should. I should.  Sometimes in life, we get insecure, that something we have done is because we didn’t measure up in some area.  I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t smart enough.  Once again, as we saw above these are not excuses, but limitations we have set.  We are allowing a small crack in our glass to leak out all the self-worth we know we really have or are. Here is my crack…my ex’s are all in relationships, yet I am still sitting here SINGLE.   WTF!!!  My first instinct is to depreciate myself and find what is wrong with me that I am not in a relationship with someone else, or why I am not with them.  Don’t fret!  I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO GO THERE. I will battle this internally, and when it comes up I will know better.  Sometimes cracks require a little ownership.  I am the one who created this crack as it was me who ended it with all of them.  Why? Well, Self-Worth right! If someone is not making you happy then you need to fill your glass not theirs.  The only person you should be concerned about making happy is yourself.  Don’t limit yourself because you are afraid of hurting someone, because from experience I can tell you that it hurts now or later.  Waiting one day, one month, or years will only make your life more complicated, and think of all the time you wasted truly being happy.  And if you want REAL…Here is Real! You are using them and taking advantage of a situation, and in the end, you aren’t going to be happy because all you have done is put your life on hold, you will not progress in this environment.  Dont ever doubt yourself because someone is willing to deal with issues you wouldn't.  Set your standards high and someone will measure up.

In the end, we may look at our glass differently in different situations.  Constantly battling with the Am I happy with what I have or do I think there could be more?  At these times, when we face these trials, focus on not if it is half full or half empty, but seek out adventures, friends, relationships that fill your glass to the top. Because cracks will always appear, but it is up to us on how we fill them.

Don't forget to Exfoliate...What lies beneath the Top Layer might Surprise you

Last night I tossed and turned until at least 4 AM.  My mind was racing 100 miles an hour over issues my friends are facing, ordeals I had been pushing thru, and with the weight of the world I put on my own shoulders, I was trying to find words of advice that would help us all thru these chapters we call life.  I eventually drifted off to sleep, and woke not more than 2 hours later, shivering and ultimately a little disturbed by the dream I had been having.  In my dream, there seemed to be a lot of chaos, fighting, and a general tone of unhappiness, but at one point in the dream I looked at the back of my leg, and when I looked at my calf, I noticed the abnormal look of the skin on the back of my legs.  Covering my legs, was an intense and dark appearance, with sharp tips in the form of tear drops covering every inch of calves.  Disturbingly representing Alligator or Fish scales. The view caught me off guard and I noticed that the scales seemed to be flaking off, in the same fashion a fresh tattoo begins with crisp lines, and at some point, the skin accepts it is damaged, and in order to heal, the individual must exfoliate the old skin away.  The symbolism of this dream was a direct representation of myself at this point in my life. It was a general perception of my subconscious.  We all experience change differently, and there is no set time on when we are healed. When a person goes thru a change, they are shedding a part of their past.  With each lesson learned in life, we tend to shed the old and welcome the new.  Curious on what my subconscious was trying to tell me, I found that skin symbolized in dreams means you are you're going through a change right now, and, though you know it's a good change, you're still hesitant to go through with it. I dreamt I was peeling off old, dead skin, which represents either a situation that's very personal to me or the fact that you yourself are changing.  Skin tends to link strongly to deeply sensitive issues. But skin can also link to moments when you are looking beneath the surface and giving an honest opinion about something. WELL Hello Epiphany, and that is all she wrote! My subconscious has taught me another new lesson.  So many times throughout the past 2 years I have felt I was healed, I had learned from my mistakes, and was ready to move forward.  I gathered that with each challenge, I had learned my lessons, but ultimately, I was searching for someone to give me a lesson which I needed to give too myself. My soul which makes up my emotions and ultimately who I am is protected by this skin of mine, and with each obstacle I face, my skin gets thicker.  A human being has so many skins inside, covering the depths of the heart.  We know so many things, but we don’t know ourselves. Why thirty or forty skins or hides, as thick and hard as an ox or a bear  cover's the soul. Go into your own ground and learn to know yourself there.

Waiting to Exhale…Or should I say Unfriend

At some period in a relationship, we have to make a decision on how beneficial is this relationship and or friendship to me? What emotions tie you two together, and are they positive or negative? Now we all know, if a person makes you upset more than happy it is normally a sign that you should move on. However, I am here to tell you, 98% of us DON’T! Why is this? If we know nothing will come from it, and if the circumstances are negative, what are you holding onto? Simply said, Breathe, Exhale and Let them go. Have the strength to know you longer need this person in your life and simply Delete them from your life, or in my case UNFRIEND.  A man I had been seeing recently, decided to part ways due to personal reasons.  These reasons were understandable to me, I was hurt never less, but I understood. The shady part starts during our last conversation.  RED FLAG! “Baby, I’m just thinking this thru, I am just trying to talk to you like you talk to me” “Baby, I love you”…Now, when I heard those 3 words, my head spun. First off, I had never even uttered those words to him, nor felt the need to. Now I will admit, yes I called him luv, sent cute little hearts and shit, but come on, when you have been thru as much as I have, I don’t throw those words out, unless I am really feeling you.  So I ask you this? If you are trying to break up with a girl, why would you say I love you? It’s almost like a hunter and a prey, what are you hunting my friend? My heart?…Wanting that other person to admit they have fallen fully for you? Anyways, it was confusing, and although I am a bit naive in love, but having been thru this before, I simply said, “I got it”. You see for me, love/relationships are black or white…There is no grey, and I won’t make excuses for that.  I don’t deserve nor need to live in a grey world. You either want me or you don’t.  You will either try or you wont. So after this initial break up conversation, I let go even more. You know a girl has got to protect her heart, and I didn’t expect to hear from this person, nor really wanted to.  The lover and friend side of me really wished that the communication was still there, but I am not one to make first moves. So I waited….and waited…2 weeks later, and meaningless little Facebook replies on my posts here and there, trying to act still interested in my life, this man contacts me again…This time says, “I’m sorry Tess I haven’t been in touch since our last conversation.” I sat back in my chair, looked at my computer screen, and thought to myself…WOW! Really…The nice side of me forgives and forgets, and simply stated how my feelings were hurt and I would like to know why.  To make a long story short, this man eluded to there had been reasons why he hadn’t contacted me, but “Cared about me” etc …So I asked him to tell me the reasons, and when I look back now and think “Why do I even need to know”…Well by day 2 and still no response, but yet I can see action on his Facebook.  At this point I have to assess my situation.  Do I live seeing his action every day, waiting for a response from him or do I simply EXHALE, DELETE, and UNFRIEND.  I took a hot shower and it hit me, I was holding onto a friendship that did not exist. I had my Answer! You see if a man disrespects you as a Lover and then disrespects you as a Friend then your answer is to close to home.  There is no answer that will satisfy your craving, you must simply admit to yourself that there is no beneficial relationship here.  What would they tell you to make you feel better, because in any case, they didn’t want you! Now I know that sounds negative, BUT IT REALLY ISN'T.  Too many of us are hung up on what we don't have, can't have, or won't ever have. We spend too much energy being down, when we could use that same energy – if not less of it doing, or at least trying to do, some of the things we really want to do.
Terry said it best in Waiting to Exhale, “Have being a wife and mother has afforded me the luxury of having multiple careers:  I’ve been a teacher, a chauffeur, a chef, an interior decorator, a landscape architect, as well as a Gardner. I’ve been a painter, a personal shopper, an accountant, and a banker. I’ve been a beautician, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a movie reviewer, a nurse, a negotiator and a psychologist. And last but not least, I also have a Ph.D in How to Pretend Like You Don’t Mind ! “

Love hard, fall fast, and enjoy life!

Do you believe that some people are meant to fall in love with each other but are not meant to be together?  What a crazy statement! I am sure if we knew there was a chance that we wouldn’t work out in the beginning, many of us would never let our Hearts fall. However, I always pass it to the wear and tear of the JOB, and by job I mean relationship.  Anyone who has been married or in a serious relationship knows that after the initial fairy tale of love wears off, then the butterflies you once felt now becomes something you have to work for.  How unfortunate right? From experience, when I am first with someone, I fall hard and fast.  In my past, I have not listened to my gut and went forward into full fledge relationships or marriage.  I thought that I was doing the right thing.  According to society, I am an adult now and I must grow up!  I should get married and have children.  And for any of my Military peeps out there, I know you understand when I say, awwww…I have been dating him for 7 months and now he has orders, so we should get married to stay together.  Looking back at my experiences now, it all seems so rushed.  I feel that I never did the right thing for me, but more as the right thing for a situation.  I wanted to move out of the dorms, I wanted a house, I wanted a ring, I wanted to feel loved, I wanted to have a family, I wanted to own things…blah.. blah..blah..and in the end..All my wants never fulfilled my feelings or myself, and once you want your SELF back fully filled, you realize you could have done this all on your own.  Now in no way am I saying that some people don’t meet their soul mate, and it’s happily ever after. And I am definitely not saying that love is something that doesn’t have its ups and downs and you must work to make a relationship work.  Oh I am fully aware of this.  What I am saying though, is sometimes, we individuals are too damaged to make it happen anymore.  We need that independence to put our LIFE’s back into perspective.  It was once broken down to me by a boyfriend, which said “Everyone comes into your life for a REASON, SEASON, or a LIFETIME.

REASON: Life can bring you down, and sometimes meeting someone during this period can help you thru a situation that you may not been able to handle on your own.  They were your strength, your backbone, or your motivation to push you thru an obstacle.  They were there to show you what is out there, how you could be treated, or how you shouldn’t be treated. But never less, they were there for a reason. When you received your answer, or maybe they received their answer, you were no longer beneficial to each other. It was time for your heart to move on.

SEASON: At other times, it feels right! And this Season may last thru the 4 month era into years.  I mean look at our life expectancy, so a season to me, could be a decade if that is what you want it to be.  I had my season. My ex husband and I were together for 10 years.  We watched each other grow, we watched our family grow, and at a point I knew, that my season was over.  I was walking the steps of life, and I wanted to be fully engaged. What a scary step! Being on your own again, learning to date again, finding what truly makes you tick, so that when that Lifetime comes around, you are full, and don’t need them to complete you.

LIFETIME: Oh now for the lifetime! This is someone you can see yourself getting old with.  To me a NOW… Lifetime is your best friend.  He is someone I enjoy, makes me laugh, and someone I can talk to. I have a personal thought on this and many of you may disagree, but I want my lifetime to be my one and only.  I want him to be my best friend. I want our relationship to come first. Now, I don’t say this to mean I will love my children any less, but in Love with your partner, if you put your partner second, how do you move them to first when the children leave. How is that fair? And what better way to raise your children, then for them to see a man and woman truly love each other, stay actively in love, and they know that you are a team first. Honestly, I don’t think I have a lifetime. I don’t say that for sympathy, it is just what I feel.  I love hard, I am passionate, and I want to give someone the world. At the same time I want the world back.  When I meet someone that is willing to give that, then maybe I will change my mind, but until then, I will love my life, enjoy my children, and make memories with them, because in the end, they are who matter the most.

So in the end, Reason, Season, Lifetime…It doesn’t really make a difference, we are all learning experiences for each other, and like I always life to say…Just because there is nothing wrong with it, doesn’t mean it’s right.  Love hard, fall fast, and enjoy life!

Helpless Love...It's just a matter of Time...

I came upon this story and thought I would share....

Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island.
The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty.
Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realised it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope.
Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?”
“No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.”
A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.”
Vanity responded haughtily, “No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet.”
Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. “No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself.”
When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone.
Love was growing restless and dejected. Just then somebody called out, “Come Love, I will take you with me.” Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place.
On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, “Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?”
Knowledge smiled, “Oh, that was Time.”
“And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?” Love wondered.
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied, “Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world.”

                                                                                                    Author Unknown

The important message is that when we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?

I'm FULL (of your BS) but Thank you for asking...

Cake, cake, cake, cake…Is Love like a DIET? Are you holding yourself back from something you really want, dreaming of that BIG piece of moist chocolate cake that melts in your mouth with every single bite?  If this is you, and you force yourself to DIET per say, then maybe it’s time you make a lifestyle change.  Something that continues to amaze me is the fact that we tend to live our lives in such a controlled environment. Claiming we do what we want, when we want, until the right back is turned and then you actually have the freedom to do as you please? This is my plea, BE you, LOVE you. No person you meet is going to help you get where you need to be without you doing it for yourself.  If you have to go in a backdoor to do something or say something, then maybe you should request an epiphany from your EGO, that Hmmm…Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this.  What brings this you say? Well…I would have to say the “Back Door people”.  The one’s who want to live the life you live, yet can’t because they have an obligation to act a certain way.  So instead of being them, living their life as they please, they understand the insecurity of their situations and choose the “Back Door approach”.  They don’t have the strength, or don’t want to drama of being who they really are or going for what they really want.  My friends this is what we call living under the control of someone else.  You can spit it as you want it, but ultimately you are being controlled.  Now in saying this, I have to say there is a certain respect you give someone else, if you are “with” them.  So if this is the case, then follow Bambi’s mother’s advice, and if you don’t have something to say that you’re not willing to share, then ask yourself, should I really be talking to this person or calling this woman “Beautiful, Baby, Love”?  Think to yourself…”What would my wife or girlfriend think” Or perhaps when you are offering an extracurricular affair, ponder on the fact of WHY DOES IT TAKE A SINGLE WOMAN TO KEEP YOU IN YOUR PLACE?  Have we become a culture that is never satisfied with what is in front of us that we must continue to turn the pages?  Constantly wanting that Fat piece of Chocolate Cake, pursuing it, drooling over it… I am not sure how many of you have online dated, but let me be the first to tell you it is like flipping thru a magazine.  Many of us who do not have the time to go out and meet “New” people elect online dating because we are able to sift thru the Mr.Maybe’s and the Mr.Quit Flooding my inbox you psycho.  Online dating has posed one problem with me… “Back Door people”.  They aren’t looking for a commitment, they really aren’t looking for a relationship, but they are looking for instant gratification, they are looking for a new piece of Cake.  And if you, my single friends, are this piece of cake, then 9 out 10 times, you were simply a taste test.  You wasted your time, you wasted your emotions, and you wasted the chance to really spend quality time with someone truly interested.  Don’t let “Back Door people” shop around.  Put your “For Sale Sign UP!”  This piece of Hot Chocolate CAKE is worth something, and if you are not interested in buying I suggest you switch up your FLAVOR!

Of all Thirty-Four alternatives, running away was the best...Or so I thought

Why are you running so much they asked?  
I said “I don’t know it feels like the right thing to do right now. “I am looking to drop a feeling that is stuck in my gut, and when I run I no longer have to face it”.
“Well when will you stop running from your future?”
I said “My Future?”
Yes, your future!
You see the past has already happened; it has made you who you are today! But instead of allowing God to guide you, excepting you are at where you need to be at, you continue to feel that your path has went disarray and you must run away from the future. The path you are on is engraved into your life; you have no choice in the matter. What is to be will be!
I truly believe this is true. Each person is brought into your life to benefit you in some way or another. If that means they will be there long, or for a brief moment, you have to look back in your past and ask, “What did I learn from you?”.  It’s the strength of not getting what you want but letting go and letting be. One day in the car, Osten and I were driving to school, and he asked me about a Man I had been seeing for a couple months. I let this man into my home, and the families got along very well. Osten asked why he hadn’t come over the house in some time, and I explained that we had broken up. Of course a young 8 year old, doesn’t understand the circumstances, and asked why? I tried to explain, well Mommy wasn’t very happy and that there are certain needs that need to be fulfilled and if someone can’t give that to you, and then it is time for you to move on. My 8 year old looks up at me with young innocent eyes and said, mommy, you broke up with daddy and now you broke up with Mr. So n So….you really need to stop breaking up with people! Whoa!  At the same time a smile formed on my face, my heart dropped as well. How could such an innocent thought be so deep? What is it we run from? What is it I run from? The excruciating habit of getting what you want, and once you get it, you don’t want it anymore. I can’t guarantee those I have dated this year all fell into this category. I like to believe I left because I really wanted to, but has my self-defense grown so high from hurt, that I constantly sabotage a relationship before I can let them do it for me?  I can’t answer yes or no. I know that I have fallen for 2-3 max people in the last two years.  I have dated quadruple that amount. I deserved to, I needed to.  I have learned…. give what you receive.  And when I see that I am giving more, I decide there is no need to stick around and I move on. I believe it all boils down to a true bond between two people, when you meet the right person; both parties want to give all that they can to make it a reality. When you meet that person that is only willing to give 50% then it is no longer on you and you MUST have the strength to let go and let it be. You are not missing out, THEY ARE.  I can honestly say I feel I have truly hurt ONLY one person this year, he wanted to give me the world, treated me like a queen, bought me stuff all the time, got a long great with my kids…well I blew him off, why, well honestly, it wasn’t there…superficially, he was just to hairy…It was like waking up to Sonic the Hedge Hog every morning, it was a definite turnoff, but I can admit I did him wrong, I didn’t return phone calls, I made my niece tell him where I was at, I ran from reality. What a slap in the face, especially, when my motto is "just be honest with me please". Bottom-line, sometimes honesty hurts, and sometimes running away is the only thing we know what to do.  There aren’t any rules to running away from your problems. No checklist to pencil whip, no instructions, no manuals to refer to. It is as easy as eeeeny meeeny, minnny moe…pick a path and go. But if there are no rules, I wonder why it feels the same every time.  What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding FEAR! That means, Watch it, Learn about it, COME DIRECTLY IN CONTACT WITH IT.  We are here to learn about fear, not learn how to escape it.