Examining where I am in my life I am very happy and content. I have a successful career in the Air Force, obtaining E-8 at a very fast rate of 14 years. I am educated, 6 classes from my Master’s degree and have put a time limit to be completed within my 15th year in the Air Force. I have been afforded the chance to have 2 beautiful children, and know what it’s like to be a wife. Have met partner’s, some of now are my close friends, whom have helped me develop my standards for what I want in a lifelong partner, and have built an amazing support group of friends who are there for me thru my trials and tribulations. I am fortunate to have a large family who has grown throughout the years, and we have made able attempts to spend quality time together over the past years. I have found a love for physical fitness, and over the years have turned my body, into a temple. God has afforded me the opportunity to live free of a disease ridden life, when I was subjected to not only Lupes on my mother’s side but also Polio on my father’s side. Looking thru the hour glass, any person would say I have done very well for myself. I look thru my hour glass and would have to agree, but instead of seeing my glass half full and or half empty, I keep looking at how to fill my glass to the rim. I don’t want the option of having a glass that is not 100%. How do I do this? How do you do this?
First, I think you examine, in what part of your life do you feel you are not measuring up in? I have two levels of filling my glass that need to be addressed.
To bring it to ¾’s full; I would have to examine the physical fitness portion. When I look in the mirror, I see a fit, strong, and very healthy woman looking at me. God gave me curves, and I have done well with them. I think I am pretty and although there are things about me I wish I could change, I also know this is what I was born with, it makes me who I am, and we should embrace these Beautiful traits. What I am discussing is more of a “maintaining” attitude. People always find me in the gym and ask me what I do, so I know I am a great motivation to others, but why am I not motivating myself. If you asked me what my goals were when it comes to working out, I would state. “I want to maintain”. But inside, I really don’t. I know I can be better, I know my body can be better; I think I am just having a hard time motivating myself to get there. Maybe I am scared to push myself to the limits. I have considered doing a Fitness Sculpting Competition in the past. I have great muscle development and I know I would do well at it. But I am scared of one thing…I am scared to be judged. What if I am not pretty enough, what if my butt looks bad in that tiny bikini, what if you can see my breast reduction scars? All these things go thru my brain when I think of it. They are limitations I have set for myself. Before I have even begun to push myself to the limit, I have already backed out. I have already convinced myself I may not measure up against competition.
Alright, now were getting closer to the top of the glass. My second is validating my self-worth. Knowing and accepting, screaming at the top of your lungs that you are worth more than you may have been afforded, but unlike others, you have now been offered the opportunity to do something about. But knowing is such a weak word! I know this, but do I believe it? Do any of you truly believe you are an amazing gift from God and deserve nothing less than happiness? If you don’t, you should. I should. Sometimes in life, we get insecure, that something we have done is because we didn’t measure up in some area. I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t smart enough. Once again, as we saw above these are not excuses, but limitations we have set. We are allowing a small crack in our glass to leak out all the self-worth we know we really have or are. Here is my crack…my ex’s are all in relationships, yet I am still sitting here SINGLE. WTF!!! My first instinct is to depreciate myself and find what is wrong with me that I am not in a relationship with someone else, or why I am not with them. Don’t fret! I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO GO THERE. I will battle this internally, and when it comes up I will know better. Sometimes cracks require a little ownership. I am the one who created this crack as it was me who ended it with all of them. Why? Well, Self-Worth right! If someone is not making you happy then you need to fill your glass not theirs. The only person you should be concerned about making happy is yourself. Don’t limit yourself because you are afraid of hurting someone, because from experience I can tell you that it hurts now or later. Waiting one day, one month, or years will only make your life more complicated, and think of all the time you wasted truly being happy. And if you want REAL…Here is Real! You are using them and taking advantage of a situation, and in the end, you aren’t going to be happy because all you have done is put your life on hold, you will not progress in this environment. Dont ever doubt yourself because someone is willing to deal with issues you wouldn't. Set your standards high and someone will measure up.
In the end, we may look at our glass differently in different situations. Constantly battling with the Am I happy with what I have or do I think there could be more? At these times, when we face these trials, focus on not if it is half full or half empty, but seek out adventures, friends, relationships that fill your glass to the top. Because cracks will always appear, but it is up to us on how we fill them.
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