They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. How many of us can relate to this? We all have our demons, habits, or expectations, which we have allowed to drive us in life. While younger we don’t even realize we are making choices that were groomed from poor childhoods or even entitled environments. That is what is so beautiful about humans; we are so unique in our own way. The differences we experience growing up and living life are all so individualistic, you are guaranteed to never find someone exactly like you in life.
However, these experiences tend to navigate back to our life whether positive or negative. We constantly repeat the same things over and over again. This is because we develop a habit for the way the experiences make us feel. For example, lets use the jumping on the fitness wagon. Some people love the feeling of freshness, therefore, setting a goal and starting a new fitness program fires sensors in their brain. Creating an exercise plan, diet, etc…breaks up the monotony of life and creates excitement. However, after a few weeks, the freshness wears off and the joy of the previous goal no longer stimulates the drive for something new. You all have been extremely supportive over my fitness journey, but I’ll be honest, this is the first time in 10 years, I have actually followed through with competing and I am still not there yet. However, this time, the freshness didn’t matter because the constant results of hard work motivate me everyday.
Another area I think we do this in is dating. Something drives us to a type of person we are “sexually” attracted to. I have had many types lol…From blond/blue eyes, to only islanders, to only Latinos…A running joke with my friends is I wont chase a man, but let him have muscles and tattoos and a Bi$&h might just power walk. I’d say this has been my type for the past couple years. Dating the same men, “My so called type”, and expecting a different result each time. And when I did date someone who didn’t fit this type, I’d get so caught up in what was my type I never ever gave them a fair shot and ran away before I would hurt them. I never embraced the good qualities.
Very recently I met a man I am so very happy to call my friend. I thoroughly enjoy our conversations and more importantly he makes me laugh. He communicates about his life freely and really listens to what I say back to him. For one of the first times in my adult life I actually feel like I am getting to know someone as an adult. But what really woke me up is when he asked me what my type of man was. Of course I went back to my rat wheel and stated the main type of man I normally date. I could feel at that time as I wrote those words, he heard what I said, and protected himself in a sort of way. Any smart man would do that, because one must be careful of what and whom they give too. But that isn’t what was so eye awakening.
What really hit me like I got smacked in the head with a frying pan…JESUS Tess its so easy to see, is this…
All these men I have dated over the last couple years may of held my initial interest but really for one reason…They fit the mold of my troubled past.
What I’ve grown accustomed to. That majorly overrated “Bad Boy” image.
And when I thought of this new man, my new friend, my heart got warm,
because something woke up in me, and its beautiful. Because what I realized was no matter what comes of this new friendship, he is more “My Want” and holds more of what I desire in someone then any of the men I have dated or even married.
You see I dated one component of an individual in my past, the “My Type”, and tried to build and support the rest into “My Want”. Now lets talk odds for a second. Let’s say you have 10 “My Wants” in someone. For example, educated, successful, loving, communicative, etc….and the “My Type” is only one of those…so if you date someone who is only “My Type”…You are dealing with a very poorly stacked deck…Seriously what are your odds? Maybe 2-3 out 10 qualities that would make you happy. Which may work for awhile, but at some point the bad is going to outweigh good and you or them are going pull chalks.
But when you look at someone, and throw the “My Type” to the side and really just focus on their qualities and how they fit the “My Wants”, you quickly realize that your odds of finding happiness are significantly greater…I’d say maybe even a “Perfect 10”.
So thank you new friend for helping me realize that Mr. Right will always be Mr. Wrong if I don’t focus on “My Wants” and not just “My Type”. And possibly...if they meet your desires of what you want in someone, they really were "Your
Type" more than you ever realized.