All is Fair in Love and Addiction? What say You...

It has been said men are from Mars and women are from Venus…If this is the case, how the heck we all ended up on earth with no manual on how to properly interact with each other is beyond me.  Instead, we go thru lesson after lesson trying to grasp what is right and what is wrong in our current situation. 

Unfortunately, the way we learn love is the love we will exuberate later in our own lives.  It is the environment we grew up in, and ultimately, what we know to be true in our hearts.  When I use the word addictive, the spectrum is so much grander; it’s almost simplistic to just focus on this one feature.  An individual can be addicted to many things and may have been exposed to more than the basics a person from a so called normal upbringing would list.  For example, the first thing we think of in regards to addiction is alcohol or drugs. But many individuals are addicted too so much more.  This could be love; fear of loneliness, sex, emotional abuse, etc…The list goes on and on.  The thing a child who is exposed to these terms must realize is no matter your upbringing, you must take charge of your own life and decide how you will raise your family.  Will you repeat your pattern? Ultimately, in reality it is all up to you.

I have noticed my own form of addictive relationships I have gotten myself into.  First and foremost, I often see the potential in what I think someone could be.  I often fall in love with that potential and don’t take what I am seeing directly in front of me.  It’s almost as if I have on horse blinders over my eyes, and I look forward in their future.  This allows me to forgive the present state and stay in love with the potential of the person.  Often, when it doesn’t work out I would ask myself, what did I do wrong, why wasn’t it me? Well the other day I realized it really never had anything to do with me in the first place.  In actuality we were the most realistic part of this persons’ life.  This is why this person, couldn’t give you everything, but refused to let you go....Until they sank deeper in their make believe world, or you decided not to be their scapegoat any longer, are either one of you able to move on in your lives. 

Human beings are guarded individuals and we normally only share our innermost thoughts with a few people in our lives.  Overtime we are able to share our secrets, addictions, and our true self because we know the other person with whom we share it with will accept it.  The person who is addicted turns to you because you let them be themselves, don’t judge and continue to love them unconditionally.  Unfortunately, in reality, you have allowed yourself to love this person the only way you know how to love, because you have accepted them for who they truly are, and its possible you are addicted to thier behavior.  The difference for you and them is the reason they are addicted in the first place is because they can’t handle their reality at this present moment in time.  This is why they haven’t given themselves to you fully.  Thus, they create a fake world per say in which they can spiral downwards into their addiction and not face what truly is eating them alive every single day.  In this fake world, they keep these secrets to themselves, and the individuals they do allow in it do not know their trials and tribulations.  However, living unrealistic, well…is unrealistic, and that is why they haven’t completely let you go.  This is why you, the closest reality they know.....You will come and go, you will be the person who is merely being used for their gratification at times when they need it.  Since reality is something they subdue, you need to evaluate the situation and evaluate your worth in this relationship.

Once upon a time, I had a man who I called my best friend.  He was an alcoholic. In the end he is neither my best friend, nor my friend anymore.  I am not suggesting you cut every single person out of your life that doesn’t give you what you want or desire.  But love is love, and if you feel more distress in a relationship then feeling blessed, then this person is not right for you.  You are not the magic drug. In the end of you analyzing their addiction, maybe its time we turn the focus back on ourselves.  Maybe they have a problem, but if you were weak enough to deal with it, then maybe you are addicted to their behavior or style of love.  It has made me evaluate what I may be addicted to in terms of behavior or even love.  Sometimes jumping from one addiction to another is just a form for us not to feel our real feelings.  It’s time to move on my loves.  It’s just a chapter in the past, do not close the book, just turn the page and re-write your own ending.

 

Chickens Lay…People Lie…Don't be a bathroom break.

 

Many times not seeing something is easier to accept than facing it with your own eyes. To feel the disrespect while you are with someone you love is harder to handle then finding out thru a second source with your own eyes.  At a time in my life that I hold the term of Love at a high value, and I still have allowed myself to fall for one or two people…well I wont lie, I have fallen in love with two people in the past two years.  I would say that’s not too shabby.  I can’t explain why or how it happened, yet it did. I don’t know why I did. From the beginning I knew in the end I might hurt, yet I still chose to follow my heart.  This is something I have always struggled with. Loving someone so much it ends up hurting me.  The weird thing is I always leave an impression.  Too many times becoming the unknown to someone else.  Some will see your kindness as a weakness and use it against you and well sometimes there are people who genuinely laid out a road map for you to follow, and you chose not to stay on course.  I don't believe there is a mapquest set up for falling in love.  We take this road unknown because ultimately you love the travels.




At some point though, you might hit a dead end.  This can be shocking to the person, or maybe you saw it coming. Either way I believe that you must remember the joy of the memories shared and simply flip a u-turn.  Experience is what will make you a focused and more self aware person.  These circumstances will give you the strength you will need the next time you hit a road block.  I was told recently that (A) I put up with too much and (B) Am the most unexplainable woman...These two comments caught me off guard a bit.  I tried to take this conversation with a grain assault because I know that individuals can handle pain in 2 ways...talk about it and move on, or be the mean one because shifting blame or leaving something negatively is much easier for the person to move on in their life.  I am the first one for sure.  I simply do not enjoy drama, and would like to simply discuss the matter and move on in my life.  When this happens to you, just try to be the first one.  No one wants to remember you as an "Asshole".  Now...I am not perfect, very very very far from it.  I recently did a very mean thing to someone I love.  Was it this persons' fault, yes. Did they deserve it? Yes..However, I would much rather have been the one who didn't have to be the Asshole.  It doesn't feel good and you end up hurting more than one person. And I tell you it gets worse, but that is not a story for this blog, however, I am glad I stood up for myself. Just dont like the pain it caused.

However, being the Asshole sometimes is required for someone to fully grasp hold of their self respect and what they would settle for.  I on one hand try to be honest and respectful, but once upon a time I was put into a situation of distrust and that sent me into a frenzy.  I went thru someones phone...oooooh bad idea.  Why is it we just don't follow our gut?  When you feel something is occurring, more than likely it is.  Cell phones have become a cancer to relationships in today’s world.  They create an atmosphere of curiosity and distrust.  We have created an environment of instant gratification.  No longer are the days of love letters, or earning someone’s love.  Oh no…it’s much easier now.  At this point in our life, we can simply send a simple excuse during a bathroom break and pictures throughout the day to portray this person on another line is the only thought of our day.  Unfortunately for them, they don’t see the picture of this person holding another person’s hand throughout the day, or whispering I love you in their ear.  Why have we become this way?  Too feel we can balance so many lives of happiness, which all surround our own ways of living.  It really is such a selfish way to look at things. Over the past year, I have seen this way too many times.  Individuals diving into your persona and expressing that they love you or someone else, while all at the same time, they have someone else’s happiness who is balancing in the distance. It is really a depressing circumstance.  And I would be lying if I said I have not done it myself in the past. However, at this point, I have realized loved and relationships are harder to plan than a well thought out circus show.

Well on my quest of passing Go and collecting $200 for my future game of monopoly life, I think that we as People really have to stop looking for the negative to push us out of a situation.  We were given the gift of feeling what is going on.  Things in life do not have to end negative all the time, and we should be grateful for what we have endured.  I shared this on my facebook today and I hope what you read next will leave lasting affects on your choices of life.  Be grateful, for I am.  I love and have felt love during my life. Those memories will never fade.

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be – a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger – but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment... they will affect your life in some profound way. Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones. If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and listen to what they have to say. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make anything you wish of your life. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. And if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. Learn a lesson in life each day that you live! Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday. Was it worth it?" (Author Unknown)

 

And my last pieces of advice...Forgiveness will always set you free, because love me or hate me, I will always be in your heart or your mind, and Never..Never be someones bathroom break.