Don't Stop Chasing Butterflies...

Life’s decisions weren’t made for dummies. Many times we make rash or drastic decisions based on emotion instead of rational thought or fact.  We don’t foresee the pain ahead.  We live in the now, and truly believe if we follow that little voice in our head, then our happily ever after ending will soon come true.  That fate can be seen in the distance.  All the while, never seeing how we may hurt or lose something so near and dear to us.  I thought of this the other day.  When I was seeking my own happiness, I truly believed I was doing it for the better of myself and my children.  I felt smothered when I was married.  I was unhappy, and I wasn’t free spirited or caring as I once had been.  I resented caring for people because I cared so many years for a man who didn’t or couldn’t give to me in the ways I needed.  He took me for granted and in turn I did the same to him.  I reached a point I could no longer hold on.  I didn’t do this on my own.  I leaned on friends, or made up destinies in my head.  I told myself my children would be much happier growing up knowing their mother the way she should be and not what she had become.  I never imagined those three short years later, I would be blogging in my bed and my children living across the world from me.  I never imagined I would cry myself to sleep every night just at the thought of them, or feeling so alone, I just turn myself off and sit in front of my IPHONE for hours.  Because ultimately, not feeling is much better than feeling anything at all. 

When we go thru hard times, we tell ourselves and friends that “everything happens for a reason”.  I’ve said it many times to friends.  I mock the thought that a parent who loses a child to custody or death can fathom that this ultimately happened for a reason.  You resent the fact that there are so many dead beat mothers and fathers out there, yet you, who love your children with all your heart, are forced to live away from them. I’ve ultimately realized my decision was selfish and I am now paying the price for it.  The BIG Problem with marriage nowadays is we go into with the thought that, hey if this doesn’t work, well We can just get a divorce.  We marry extremely young, and instead of focusing on how to grow together, our personalities are so different by the time we are in our mid 20’s, we merely just stick around because it’s either comfortable or for the children.  I find that sad, because I will tell you that I never thought I would lose friends or my kids with this decision that I made.  And I now ask myself….Was it worth it?

When we make these life changing decisions, if that’s to divorce, marry, cheat, run away, break up, take a step back and examine all the consequences of your actions.  I am a firm believer in living in the present.  We must make decisions that ultimately affect the now, but one thing we forget to consider is are we ultimately changing our destiny due to our own impatience?  I am not telling you not to follow your gut, but what I am saying is you must get to a point where you line up with your decisions.  You must truly believe in your decision so you can manifest the destination to which you want to achieve.  We often find ourselves lost when we take action before you find alignment to which your goal you wanted to achieve.  I will be honest, and friends here in Germany can attest this is the truth.  As soon as I moved in, I told a few friends I did not see my children in my home.  I just couldn’t visualize them there with me.  You could call it a premonition or was I manifesting my destiny before it could even happen.

So now we have covered our life falling apart, manifesting the evils we trying so hard to run from, how do we crawl out of this valley we are stuck in?  I’m not sure, I can tell you that, but I can also tell you what I plan on doing….I’m going to chase butterflies, or in other words follow my impulses.  If you take the time to stay off the subject of intention, your impulse will lead you to a rendezvous in the right direction.  Focus on the now and the positivity you so desire.  Treat all people with kindness, and separate yourself from dramatic situations which no longer serve your impulses.  Because if you get too caught up in the intention of a desire, you lose focus of what butterflies are worth being chased because you are so centered on one intention.

My goal is to convince you to truly believe that the Universe is already aligning my future and yours.  You don’t need to ask for more because you just stir up the negative emotions that go along with the desire…Just let go…Tell yourself I’ve already asked and the universe is working it out, now I just need to get in the place to let it in.  Our biggest mistake is we believe we have to work hard and that if we work hard the break will come only in the struggle.  But instead, we need to believe that if the break comes it will be in spite of the struggle and if it comes in spite of the struggle, it won’t be that bad of a break.  It’s all about trust and believing you are worthy and deserving what you ask for from the universe.  The only thing that is standing against you achieving everything you ask for from the universe is you simply don’t believe you really deserve it.  There is great love for you here.  It’s up to you to believe it.