I…. Workout…. (1 OF 6 WEIGHT LOSS BLOGS)

STEP 1: Getting down to the issues

All right Loves…I have gotten some emails lately on what you can do to keep that weight down or to simply shed some extra loving off.  Many of you that know me now don’t know that I actually have struggled with weight issues my whole life and when I first joined the military I was on the weight management program.  Many reasons for this were my basic composite body type.  It is what worked for my ancestors and passed on down the generations.  It couldn’t have possibly had anything to do with the 64oz Big Gulp of Dr. Pepper I used to drink in high school. The funny thing is I never thought of myself as overweight, I wouldn’t even use the word fat.  I would say I was a bit thick. LOL…Anyways…I tried everything when I joined the Air Force. Starved myself, Diet Pills, Working Out, etc…If we fast forward 15 years now, I can now share 15 years of professional fitness and personal advice to help you get where you need to be.  And guess what! I’m going to give this to you for free.  No personal trainer required. You are going to need a pair of running shoes, a good sports bra, and an open mind.  So let’s begin….

First Step: Self-Evaluation: Why do you want to lose weight?  Now if it is a health answer then I am good with that, because I know you really want to do it for a reason.  We are human, and many of us need a reason to do something.  But if you are trying to get ready for a reunion, or possibly a cruise, I need you to realize, that once you lose a certain amount of weight, unless you make it a lifestyle, you will gain it all back plus 2/3’s more.  I can almost guarantee it.  So think of your weight history and remember a time of where you still ate healthy, were partially physically active, but if you wanted a cheeseburger, you ate it.  This is your normal weight.  I am 5’2…and I would say my comfortable weight without really trying to maintain a healthy life would be about 140 pounds.  I am comfortable there.  At this time I am 125 pounds.  Did you just see that 15 pounds difference from a comfortable weight to a desired weight?  So in saying this set a realistic goal.  My goal could be 115 pounds, and I might be able to get there. But could I honestly eat only white fish and egg whites for the rest of my life? NO…So there is no reason I ever need to be that small. 

Once you have set your desired and realistic weights, I want you to set your goal 5 pounds below your actual weight now.  You have to reach your realistic before you can reach your desired weight. Plus, if you’re overall goal is to lose 30 total pounds.  That’s a big goal.  The average person loses between one to three pounds a week.  So that would take about three to eight months depending on how much weight you lose. Thus, a 5 pound goal is very realistic.  Once you set that goal, pick a small reward for yourself and follow thru and buy it for yourself when you reach it.  This could be a new shirt, a purse, a pair of earrings, a book, anything, and if you are short on money, then maybe a set appointment for a bubble bath, or a desired meal when you reach it.  Here is the catch….You have to maintain the 5 pound weight loss for 48 hours before you can redeem the reward. The reason for this is I want you to put a positive connotation to losing weight but you need to realize what it took to get you there.  I would hate for you to work so hard to lose 5 pounds and not feel the motivation to keep going.  So are you following? 5 pounds at a time….And I don’t care how long it takes for you to lose the 5 pounds, 1 week, 1 month, all I ask is that you keep focused on your goal. You are done when you decide you are happy where you are at.

This is the bottom-line...It’s all about a lifestyle change. You need to dedicate yourself to a positive lifestyle change.  You know I write a lot about self-worth…loving your body, loving yourself.  Well it’s time to love you first.  I need you to charge that this is not a diet.  You are doing this to make you happy! Think positively...CHOOSING TO BE POSITIVE AND HAVING A GRATEFUL ATTITUDE IS GOING TO DETERMINE HOW YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

So over the next 6 weeks, I have charged and dedicate myself to sharing my professional advice to help you.  I am doing this because I love you.  Many of my friends know although I am a personal trainer, I really never enjoyed training people, however, I do love taking care of my friends, and that is what I plan on doing! 

HOMEWORK WEEK 1

I will discuss eating tips and meal plans in our next  weekly blog… So until then…I need you to read this blog, read this blog, and read this blog.  Do some self-evaluating…

How is your self-identity? What is your 3 favorite attributes (Physical)

What is your overall goal?

Why do you think you turn to food? Do you do this when you are happy? When you are sad? Content?

What are your favorite three meals?

Google Clean Eating and read about it

RULES!!!! Starting today…..

No Soda

Limited Diet Drinks, Juice, Alcohol

Drink lots and lots of water…Lets purify that body (Plus your skin is going to look great)

Daily Multi Vitamin

No Added Salt on foods

No Fried Foods

If you plan on participating in this 6 week plan…please message me or simply respond to this post so I can reach out to you.

See you next week in my YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT BLOG…..

Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game

What an epiphany! When your brain finally takes the lead over your heart.  I wonder why it takes so long for an individual to realize something, and in turn decide to try the same thing over and over again, only to reach the same means to an end and ultimately repeat yourself.  The most important lesson from this is do you change what you do, completely close yourself off, live guarded, or find a way to live smarter?  Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we had a manual to help us understand what we should do; or maybe an activities book?  Do you remember the ones that gave you an option of how you wanted the book to end?  For happily ever after, please turn to page 62, for your chance you meet the Real Prince charming please turn to page 78.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Always knowing that your outcome is what you chose.  Life unfortunately is not written like this, and I reach out to you to not fall into the mouse trap and wish it was.  You see if life was exactly as you wrote it, you would no longer live your life, but your life would live you.  There would be no choice. You would simply do what was laid out before you.  And isn’t that what is so beautiful about life; never really knowing what comes next.
 

The element of suprise....There is a surreal adventure to not knowing.  Think of how simplistic our lives once were.  We now complicate our source, and the crazy thing is that we don’t complicate it necessarily with tangible objects, but we complicate it, thinking about what we could do better, what could have been, or shift the focus on us internally for some sort of blame to why you aren't where you should be at in this time of life. "When is it my time" you scream to yourself.

A common trend I see is when we dont like the outcome we would want, or unable to turn to page 78 for our ultimate destiny, we reach not at what the present is, but look deeper into our insecurities.  As if your insecurities have ever done anything good for you, lol, it is now the one area you reach to. We reach for the pain, instead of the present.  Do we do this so we can really feel? Is it like a negative attention our brain reaches for? Thus, we are not giving our heart or our brain what we really want or truly know, so we turn to page negative 64 to feel something.  I ask these questions, because I recently felt this and have no idea why I went to the negative in this situation.  I knew the outcome; I was okay with it and was ever grateful of my present moment.  I really can say I was happy at either the gain and or the loss in my brain.  I FINALLY WAS IN TOUCH WITH REALITY AND SPOKE THE SERMON.  So why when the actual moment presented itself, I romanticized the idea and let my heart feel more of a loss then my brain accepted.  As my brain knew I wasn’t losing anything.  I had gained a great deal.  I knew and felt love. I felt a confidence I hadn’t felt in long time. I felt empowered. And the epiphany over many lessons I had learned over the past year, had finally fell into place.

So why do we choose hurt instead of happiness?  We don’t!  It’s not a conscious decision.  We choose happiness over hurt; knowing that hurt is inevitably on the horizon.  Once it is time to hurt, we lose sight of why we chose to endure this pain.  We forgot that we knew the situation would change dramatically…literally, overnight.  New friends and new love would be thousands of miles away, forcing distance between you and your source of happiness.  We choose to disregard this harsh reality, or at least set it aside while we pursue happiness. As Shakespeare said; “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”.  Many times, the game isn’t fair and the loss is seemingly inevitable due to circumstance.  Yet we still choose to play.  So what are we upset about?  That the game isn’t fair?  Or that we knew the game wasn’t fair, but still chose to play?

So in the end, enjoy the present, and know…that what you felt was real. You gave love and were loved.  Enjoy those simple pleasures of life.  God sending you an angel to remind you of something you have missed something you were searching for.These are tiny messages needed to understand and enhance you. Its all about the experience, or the game per say.  And what I finally realized when I turned to the hurt, got over it, and smiled at the thought of him.  I realized that I hadn't lost the game at all, we simply had ran out of time. And I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to play.
 

Is your Past drifting INTO your FUTURE?!?!

I felt compelled today to discuss how much you are willing to let someone run your mind.  What I mean by this, is at what point you move forward on your own and let go of your past.  We all have painful and merry experiences which have placed us where we are at this point in our lives, however, sometimes we continue to relive the pain.  I honestly believe this time will be different. That we are smarter now and we wouldn’t let the person who had hurt us in the past do it again.  I think we do this because we ultimately want to treat others the way we would like to be treated ourselves.  I choose not to be angry at someone who has hurt me.  I have learned that I would rather let go of the circumstances, and move forward. I always give someone a fresh start. I choose not to judge and think the best in everyone.  Some individuals may mistake this for a weakness, however, I know it is not something I should change, but instead, this characteristic is something I should embrace.  So many of us don’t know how to let go and we would rather fill our lives with drama then simply be happy.  I don’t think there is a solution to this, except at some point I think you have to give up on that person.  If you were built to love like I am, there is nothing that will change who you are.  You will always love the way you know how.  Kindness begets love and respect.  The right person will love this about you, and the wrong person will miss this amazing characteristic. I believe it’s important to follow your path, and if someone does not show you the same respect you show to them, then you need to think more with your mind and less with your heart.  In no way am I saying play games, but show them what it feels like to be left out. It is equally and even more important for you to realize that not everyone deserves to feel your love.  A true and honest friend or lover will earn that and reciprocate your actions.  You should never feel weak or taken advantage of when you do something special for someone.  I say this because I have felt it. Buying a card only to wonder to yourself, is this a little too much.  Texting a message and your heart dropping after you send it because it took 20 minutes – to hours for the person to reply.  What is the learning curve here?  Thru my experience, I have learned that you should often have the benefit of the doubt in the beginning.  Try not to set expectations, and enjoy what you have in front of you.  I used to let someone new in my life become the center of my attention.  This is no longer the case.  My mind no longer dwells, but instead I have learned to separate what and who is important.  I miss them, but not the way I used to.  I have finally accepted that because I enjoy someone at a certain point in my life, they were there to show me what I truly want in the next.  So if you are sitting at home on this lovely weekend and the past has encapsulated your mind, remind yourself that you pay for what you get.  If you spent $250 on this amazing dress you wanted and by the end of the night the seams were ripping, would you buy that brand again? No I think not. So what are you going to “pay” with your self worth, for someone who does not deserve your time? The dress will not get any better and neither will this person who hurt you.  Keep your eyes forward, and You Choose to not look behind.  There is a reason this person was in your life, and sometimes you need to accept, that their time is over. Keep your head up; there is great love for you here.

Have I Simply been Searching for Security?

When you quit trying to please, you realize the benefits of knowing now in your thirties what you didn’t in your twenties, looking at yourself and knowing your life is full without the presence of another person, surrounding yourself with positive interactions and distancing yourself from the negative, appreciating your true beauty regardless of what others think of you, and understanding that what others think of you or expect of you does not determine who you are, what you will be, or what lies in your future.  Only what you think of yourself will determine this.  Now, being a people pleaser most of my life, I really have to think on this one. Why do I do the things I do and why does it hurt me so when I disappoint those whose opinions really matter to me?  And honestly, people I don’t even care about still hurt me if I think they think negatively of me.  There are a few reasons for this.

One I am a genuine person.  I know my actions are true and I do the things I do because it makes me feel good to do them. Now over the years of not getting back from people, I have drawn back on what and how much I give.  I am more honest, and try not to avoid what I feel or confronting those feelings.  At the same time, I also avoid drama.  I could count on one hand of people that have truly given as much as I have towards a friendship.  This isn’t a fail on my other friends though, it all boils down to how you are brought up.  Which leads me to my next point and or question? What is it that makes someone a people pleasing person? What are you truly seeking when you love making people happy?  Ultimately, my goal is to not associate a negative connotation to making those you care about happy, but I think there is a vast difference in people who do just to do, and people who do to please.

I heard a saying today that made me think…It went…”You only please because you want people to love you”.  Wow…that made me think.  Is there something that I am lacking that I have been trying to make up for all these years?  I was raised in an unconventional environment.  Spent a lot of time at bars from the time I was 7-12 years old.  I remember sitting after school and waiting, eating Red Barron pizza and Shirley Temples.  My favorite songs on the juke box were Happy Birthday and Mamma Don’t Let your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.  I think during this time in my life I struggled for a secure home front.  I would walk 5 miles down a mountain by myself to attend summer school at church, hitchhike rides back up the mountain home.  I remember brushing my hair with a fork when I could not find a brush, and I thank my Dad’s side for great teeth, because honestly I don’t remember brushing them at all.  The struggles we face make us who we are, I can attest to that.  And even though I struggled young I have succeeded older.  But that doesn’t clean the skeletons in your closets.  What you missed out on and you are trying to find when you are an adult. 

So in pleasing and loving the only way I knew how is to give more to people then I would get back.  I gave my childhood for the happiness of others.  I grew up way before my time, and it is all that I know. Give to Others. For me personally, I don’t think it has to do with me not feeling loved, as I know my mother loved me, but I think I have been searching for security.  And often I would please to create a secure structured environment.  If that is a relationship, I was trying to establish a foundation to grow on, if that was work; I was trying to create continuity for others to have.  Security is all I have wanted and I have continued to work for.  I believe I truly associate Love with Security. Thus, I don’t know if I please to feel love, or more or less to create a solid foundation of something I envision to be “structured” in my eyes. 

We are all individuals and our upbringings are the foundation of our personalities.  I would suggest instead of asking what is wrong, you continue to pursue what you have done.  They say Practice makes Perfect, But I believe you shouldn’t strive for Perfection; You should Simply Strive for Progress.

The FIVE P’s of life...Purpose, Positivity & Pain, Pleasure, and lastly Pleasing

What drives you to make you who you are? The five P’s I have mentioned are my personal agenda.  I’m sure they have something to do with the way I was raised and what has ultimately made me who I am today.  You might have your own set of P’s or maybe A’s or maybe even Z’s.  Whatever words it boils down to, understanding you is all it takes for you to Be Present in Life and to learn to move on. Evaluating and understanding why you act a certain way is what path needs to be taken to keep trekking.  Let’s evaluate my five P’s and see if you can learn from mine.

PURPOSE: We all have a purpose here on this earth.  Each interaction we have with one person is also not a coincidence.  We are placed in these circumstances to take lives lesson and learn from them.  Our purpose is what we decide it is to be.  You can accept the fact you were raised in a drug invested environment on welfare and say to yourself “I have no chance of succeeding in life, this is all I know”.  Or you can grab LIFE by the tail and say, “NO! This is my life, my chance, to make something of myself!”  You may succeed and fail many times over during this quest, but ultimately it is up to you when you stop trying.  Trust in LIFE and your path, and that you would never be challenged with a situation that God didn’t think you could handle.  It may be something that crushes you, but if you learned from it, maybe that is what you needed to handle at that moment to put you in your next position of life.  Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

POSITIVITY & PAIN: This is something we have all experienced.  Life isn’t life without some sort of pain.  It is one of the most disheartening feelings that our brain registers.  And when you can feel these brain waves down to your heart, then you know it is real.  There are many sources of pain.  Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, and Therapeutic; in my experience of course… and the funny thing is…one of the other types of pain can often help you counter balance the feelings you feel towards a particular subject.  Pain, although hurts, often fades over time and you are able to move on with a new purpose.  The important thing to remember is pain is only temporary and soon you will find something that will allow you to move on and forget what caused the pain in the first place.  Being Present and Positive is the best way to contradict the pain you are feeling. Being positive doesn’t mean you kid yourself that all things are great when you know they aren’t, it simply means to stay focused on the positive and keep creating you’re life the way you see it in your dreams.  I’d like to share some great words with you by a Dr. Peale:  “The person with the Positive Mental Attitude transforms stress into grace and picks the path to a successful outcome while others get lost in the forest of obstacles and pitfalls.  This is the real Power of Positive Thinking, the power to make the most out of every situation and to take action while others stand still explaining why it can’t be done.”

PLEASURE: Defining what is good or bad often is determined in your current environment.  It is what you or your surroundings establish to be moral or your personal virtues.  So if you know that something is wrong in a sense, why do you continue to pursue it?  In ancient Greek times they called this Akrasia.  This is when an individual decides that a certain course of action would be best for him and then acts against his own judgment.  I think pleasure is a derivative of desire and sometimes your desire for a particular goal or even a person is more powerful and can lead us against our better judgment.  I have been in this position over my lifetime, and ultimately I know that this is something that comes along with a passionate strong person.  You see, when you are strong you will go for what you want, what you see as your goal.  You don’t take into account the liabilities of a situation, because you allowed yourself to have tunnel vision.  You can’t change what you are passionate about but you can know that you act in this sense and put that flag up when you see a situation that may not be beneficial.  Know that not every goal is worth pursuing and act accordingly within your virtues.  However, I like to view pleasure as something that is Positive. I have heard in passing, when something is no longer fun, quit doing it.  So therefore, when you find no pleasure in what you do, I challenge you to find things that do give you pleasure.  The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.

PLEASING: I am naturally a people pleasing person.  I love making people happy and smile.  Don’t get me wrong, I won’t do things that I don’t want to do because someone wants me to do it. I know the difference between being used and being appreciated.  But I don’t hold back when I know that I am the reason a person is smiling.  This surrounds me, personally and professionally.  I love giving back.  I think it has to do a lot with being raised with nothing really.  I give not because I can, but because I know what it’s like to have nothing.  I am a great leader, because I know what it’s like not to have a mentor.  I am a great friend, because I have lost many over the years.  I am a great partner, because I feel there is someone who will make you smile uncontrollably and you shouldn’t let them go.  I am a great Airman, because I embrace individuality and diversity and know that these are the strengths our Air Force needs to move forward.  Any business owner knows that with time and generational changes, the times for change need to change as well.  If you take care of your people, your people will take care of you. Remember change is the way of life.  Those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

Open your eyes, look within…Are you satisfied with the life you are living? 

Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a Queen to be treated like One

Are you letting go of the past to move into the future.  What does this take? For many people, they rely on someone else to help them cross this stage in their life.  Loneliness and insecurity are major reasons for this, but many times in the end, they end up alone.  The person they wanted to help them thru the process often makes false promises and is not there for you or what you thought would happen.  This is why I encourage folks to really make a decision on their own, really know what you want to do and do it.  I say this from experience.  You see when I was in my early 20’s I met a man who I thought walked the earth.  Many of the things I loved about him were his drive, strength, and his solitude of home life.  He was the father of two young girls and loved them very much.  I don’t know if the attraction to him was fatherly, because I never grew up with a Dad or if we really ever had anything in common.  My point is he became an unknown to me.  This ultimately lingered in the back of my mind during future relationships and ruined all of them.  I let this man, who could never be mine, rule my heart for over 12 years.  When I went thru my divorce, I was able to finally let him go.  He wasn’t there for me in the end and that was a shocking realization, as he was my “What might have been”. 

We all want a fairy tale ending, but sometimes it takes self reflection to know that you are the storyteller of your own tale.  This takes time and much heartbreak to understand this.  When I hit the dating field again, I dated all types of guys.  Younger, older, spoiled, players, un-employed, and broken.  What I didn’t realize at that time was I was writing my story as I always knew it before.  I accepted the bad before the good and dealt with a lot of Bullsh*T.  I should have walked away at the first signs but I didn’t know how.  You see when the environment you are raised in develops a portion of your personality.  Therefore, you let love the way you learned love.  If you are raised in an unloving, unstable, abusive, emotionally unavailable, jeeez I could go on forever, type of love, then you will stay on that “Rat Wheel” and keep spinning, until you realize it is time to GET THE HELL OFF.

*Note: Remember you write your own tale.

Self evaluation is now imperative.  Don’t think because you gained the strength to walk away from one partner you have the strength to do it every time.  Yes, lessons are learned but ultimately you have to re-evaluate each new person you choose to share a part of your life with.  Love is like an addiction, much like a drug.  Even though you don’t like how it may make you feel, you will tend to make the same choices over and over again. Why is this? The answer is simple…Humans are creatures of habit.  Aristotle said it best, “People like to feel a sense of security and one should try to establish simple mechanisms to accomplish the desired actions in your efforts. Keep things consistent and universal. This is especially helpful with return visitors. By establishing simple routes along the journey to your call-to-action you increase the likelihood of visitors engaging in activities from a habitual response to familiar territory. Okay maybe that definition isn’t simple at all.  But the point is we tend to follow was we know is familiar.

So as I grow in Love, I set my standards higher, knowing I am writing my own future, at some point I realize, I am still doing the same thing I have always done.  I even created another “What might have been” with another man this past year.  Except now this time, he has the choice to be with me.  The ULTIMATE issue of not being with either is both “What Might of Beens” I have created all boil down to timing.  The habit is reoccurring because I had allowed it.  We tend to make excuses of why this one is different and we tell ourselves this is our destiny.  Do you really think we were created to not live an ultimately happy life?  Do you have faith in the source to believe in timing?  What I have learned from my “What Might of Beens” is this.  They were put in my life for a reason, and maybe they are not a part of my destiny but a mere step to Happiness.  This does not mean I don’t love them any less as they are a part of my Past. And I am thankful, because they showed me that if someone wants to be a part of my life they will make the time.  It is one more lesson to put in my pocket.  I don’t doubt they loved me as well, but I am not part of their destiny at this time, and I wouldn’t recommend thinking about what the future holds.  The only time you should focus on later down the road, is if you are a main player in their life right now.  Sometimes being in someone’s life means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and a time to allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And at the time, if you feel it is awarded, a time to assist picking up the pieces when it's all over.

You alone determine your destiny.  If you are not doing this, then you are simply allowing yourself to be an Option in life.  And in my experience, my options always come in relationships.  I fail to recognize my strength for a little time. But I always end up finding it.  And for each experience, that person is in my life for shorter and shorter amounts of times.  Until I ultimately CUT them out.  We are too amazing to ever be an option to someone, because we might be the One to another.  The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated.  One of my favorite quotes is “Treat me like a queen and I’ll treat you like a king; treat me like a game and I’ll show you how it’s played.” I have officially taken my heart off my sleeve, if I’m talking to someone now; they show me the attention I desire.  And in the end, if they don’t, well they aren’t a part of my life.  In the long run, how you allow people to treat you is what determines if they respect or disrespect you.  For a Queen respects herself and inspires the same sentiment in others.  By acting confident of your powers, you are truly wearing a crown.

As one person I cannot change the world, but I can change the world of one person..Myself

In commemoration of women’s equality day, which was my yesterday by the way, but I was too busy, deployed thousands of miles away from my two children that I raise in an independent household, working on my Master’s degree homework, facilitating my overall success, to truly appreciate where we were to where we are now.  In the past 100 years or so, women have not only proved we can do it on our own, but more than often want to do it on our own.  We no longer rely on our partners to bring home the bacon, and provide for our families.  To me this is a sad realization.  Call me old fashioned, but the ability to know that I could depend on someone is something I have never experienced, and I look forward to the day that a Man gives me this.  My dependency is not what every woman would want, and can be defined in much different roles.  I am handful, so staying home for me is not an option.  But my partner would understand this and give me that balance I long for. Now don’t get me wrong, I am very appreciative that I have a voice, and I have the opportunity for success, and in a perfect world Women are “equal” when compared to a man.  As I walk around downtown here and see women completely covered head to toe out of respect to their husband and religion, I am so thankful I was born in Palo Alto California. Many women before us endured pain and suffering to get where we are now.  Think…Just 80 years ago a woman could not vote, could not get a divorce without being castrated from society, and could not even think to raise to the position a man would in his lifetime.

The ceiling has officially been cracked, yet, what many don’t see, or possibly don’t care to see, is it still looms over us.  That doesn’t slow us down, nor should it. Oh No, but it does bring a bias that a man does not experience, nor never will understand.  I state these reasons, so if it ever crosses your mind, you can check yourself and carefully evaluate that a successful PERSON, did it on their own and not because of their looks or who they know and their Gender. It is 2012, and a woman has to work her tail off to get the same respect that a man can get and you will always be judged because that is society.  If you are strong and opinionated, you are chasing an award, a rank, a position, or merely kissing your way to the top.  This is so absurd.  When a man does this he is merely great at what he does.  However my leadership style does not focus on the problem.  LETS BRING ON THE SOLUTION…You need to know you…If you know what you do is truly genuine, then it doesn’t matter what someone thinks of you. Continue to do you…Because in the end, you will reap the benefits when it is time. 

So when evaluating the SOLUTION and not the PROBLEM, the first thing we must do is not allow ourselves to think that EVERYONE thinks that our successes are because we are a woman.  Take out your looks, take out what you have done, and take out what people think about you.  You are successful because what you put forth in today’s Market, Air Force, and your home life.  Success can be defined differently, and we are all successful in one way or another.  If you are a stay at home mom, you are successful, if you are married and you and your partner care for your family you are successful.  If you are single and working your tail off you are successful. Don’t let another person’s perceptions of your lifestyle choice define your success. Only how you view yourself is what matters.

Ultimately, my last pieces of advice for you are Be Yourself and know your self-worth.  When you decide to put yourself out there, you will experience judgment, but what you need to be secure with is how you are putting yourself out there, and how does it benefit you or the others around you. We are all uniquely beautiful and this will be noticed.  Sometimes, it’s your outer appearance, sometimes it’s what is on the inside. But no matter what, someone appreciates it.  Don’t let it be your crutch.  Don’t pull back because you are afraid that someone is judging you for it. You will always be judged.  I leave you with these thoughts…Remember never let anyone make you feel less and low because no one has the right to do so.  People will always point out your faults, and hesitate to point out your attributes. You were born to be real, not to be perfect. You're here to be you, not to be what someone else wants you to be. Stand up for yourself, look them in the eye, and say Don't judge me until you know me, don't underestimate me until you've challenged me, and don't talk about me until you've talked to me. And lastly…Be Yourself, everyone else is taken