Are you letting go of the past to move into the future. What does this take? For many people, they rely on someone else to help them cross this stage in their life. Loneliness and insecurity are major reasons for this, but many times in the end, they end up alone. The person they wanted to help them thru the process often makes false promises and is not there for you or what you thought would happen. This is why I encourage folks to really make a decision on their own, really know what you want to do and do it. I say this from experience. You see when I was in my early 20’s I met a man who I thought walked the earth. Many of the things I loved about him were his drive, strength, and his solitude of home life. He was the father of two young girls and loved them very much. I don’t know if the attraction to him was fatherly, because I never grew up with a Dad or if we really ever had anything in common. My point is he became an unknown to me. This ultimately lingered in the back of my mind during future relationships and ruined all of them. I let this man, who could never be mine, rule my heart for over 12 years. When I went thru my divorce, I was able to finally let him go. He wasn’t there for me in the end and that was a shocking realization, as he was my “What might have been”.
We all want a fairy tale ending, but sometimes it takes self reflection to know that you are the storyteller of your own tale. This takes time and much heartbreak to understand this. When I hit the dating field again, I dated all types of guys. Younger, older, spoiled, players, un-employed, and broken. What I didn’t realize at that time was I was writing my story as I always knew it before. I accepted the bad before the good and dealt with a lot of Bullsh*T. I should have walked away at the first signs but I didn’t know how. You see when the environment you are raised in develops a portion of your personality. Therefore, you let love the way you learned love. If you are raised in an unloving, unstable, abusive, emotionally unavailable, jeeez I could go on forever, type of love, then you will stay on that “Rat Wheel” and keep spinning, until you realize it is time to GET THE HELL OFF.
*Note: Remember you write your own tale.
Self evaluation is now imperative. Don’t think because you gained the strength to walk away from one partner you have the strength to do it every time. Yes, lessons are learned but ultimately you have to re-evaluate each new person you choose to share a part of your life with. Love is like an addiction, much like a drug. Even though you don’t like how it may make you feel, you will tend to make the same choices over and over again. Why is this? The answer is simple…Humans are creatures of habit. Aristotle said it best, “People like to feel a sense of security and one should try to establish simple mechanisms to accomplish the desired actions in your efforts. Keep things consistent and universal. This is especially helpful with return visitors. By establishing simple routes along the journey to your call-to-action you increase the likelihood of visitors engaging in activities from a habitual response to familiar territory. Okay maybe that definition isn’t simple at all. But the point is we tend to follow was we know is familiar.
So as I grow in Love, I set my standards higher, knowing I am writing my own future, at some point I realize, I am still doing the same thing I have always done. I even created another “What might have been” with another man this past year. Except now this time, he has the choice to be with me. The ULTIMATE issue of not being with either is both “What Might of Beens” I have created all boil down to timing. The habit is reoccurring because I had allowed it. We tend to make excuses of why this one is different and we tell ourselves this is our destiny. Do you really think we were created to not live an ultimately happy life? Do you have faith in the source to believe in timing? What I have learned from my “What Might of Beens” is this. They were put in my life for a reason, and maybe they are not a part of my destiny but a mere step to Happiness. This does not mean I don’t love them any less as they are a part of my Past. And I am thankful, because they showed me that if someone wants to be a part of my life they will make the time. It is one more lesson to put in my pocket. I don’t doubt they loved me as well, but I am not part of their destiny at this time, and I wouldn’t recommend thinking about what the future holds. The only time you should focus on later down the road, is if you are a main player in their life right now. Sometimes being in someone’s life means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and a time to allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And at the time, if you feel it is awarded, a time to assist picking up the pieces when it's all over.
You alone determine your destiny. If you are not doing this, then you are simply allowing yourself to be an Option in life. And in my experience, my options always come in relationships. I fail to recognize my strength for a little time. But I always end up finding it. And for each experience, that person is in my life for shorter and shorter amounts of times. Until I ultimately CUT them out. We are too amazing to ever be an option to someone, because we might be the One to another. The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. One of my favorite quotes is “Treat me like a queen and I’ll treat you like a king; treat me like a game and I’ll show you how it’s played.” I have officially taken my heart off my sleeve, if I’m talking to someone now; they show me the attention I desire. And in the end, if they don’t, well they aren’t a part of my life. In the long run, how you allow people to treat you is what determines if they respect or disrespect you. For a Queen respects herself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting confident of your powers, you are truly wearing a crown.
Absolutely beautiful!
ReplyDelete