All is Fair in Love and Addiction? What say You...

It has been said men are from Mars and women are from Venus…If this is the case, how the heck we all ended up on earth with no manual on how to properly interact with each other is beyond me.  Instead, we go thru lesson after lesson trying to grasp what is right and what is wrong in our current situation. 

Unfortunately, the way we learn love is the love we will exuberate later in our own lives.  It is the environment we grew up in, and ultimately, what we know to be true in our hearts.  When I use the word addictive, the spectrum is so much grander; it’s almost simplistic to just focus on this one feature.  An individual can be addicted to many things and may have been exposed to more than the basics a person from a so called normal upbringing would list.  For example, the first thing we think of in regards to addiction is alcohol or drugs. But many individuals are addicted too so much more.  This could be love; fear of loneliness, sex, emotional abuse, etc…The list goes on and on.  The thing a child who is exposed to these terms must realize is no matter your upbringing, you must take charge of your own life and decide how you will raise your family.  Will you repeat your pattern? Ultimately, in reality it is all up to you.

I have noticed my own form of addictive relationships I have gotten myself into.  First and foremost, I often see the potential in what I think someone could be.  I often fall in love with that potential and don’t take what I am seeing directly in front of me.  It’s almost as if I have on horse blinders over my eyes, and I look forward in their future.  This allows me to forgive the present state and stay in love with the potential of the person.  Often, when it doesn’t work out I would ask myself, what did I do wrong, why wasn’t it me? Well the other day I realized it really never had anything to do with me in the first place.  In actuality we were the most realistic part of this persons’ life.  This is why this person, couldn’t give you everything, but refused to let you go....Until they sank deeper in their make believe world, or you decided not to be their scapegoat any longer, are either one of you able to move on in your lives. 

Human beings are guarded individuals and we normally only share our innermost thoughts with a few people in our lives.  Overtime we are able to share our secrets, addictions, and our true self because we know the other person with whom we share it with will accept it.  The person who is addicted turns to you because you let them be themselves, don’t judge and continue to love them unconditionally.  Unfortunately, in reality, you have allowed yourself to love this person the only way you know how to love, because you have accepted them for who they truly are, and its possible you are addicted to thier behavior.  The difference for you and them is the reason they are addicted in the first place is because they can’t handle their reality at this present moment in time.  This is why they haven’t given themselves to you fully.  Thus, they create a fake world per say in which they can spiral downwards into their addiction and not face what truly is eating them alive every single day.  In this fake world, they keep these secrets to themselves, and the individuals they do allow in it do not know their trials and tribulations.  However, living unrealistic, well…is unrealistic, and that is why they haven’t completely let you go.  This is why you, the closest reality they know.....You will come and go, you will be the person who is merely being used for their gratification at times when they need it.  Since reality is something they subdue, you need to evaluate the situation and evaluate your worth in this relationship.

Once upon a time, I had a man who I called my best friend.  He was an alcoholic. In the end he is neither my best friend, nor my friend anymore.  I am not suggesting you cut every single person out of your life that doesn’t give you what you want or desire.  But love is love, and if you feel more distress in a relationship then feeling blessed, then this person is not right for you.  You are not the magic drug. In the end of you analyzing their addiction, maybe its time we turn the focus back on ourselves.  Maybe they have a problem, but if you were weak enough to deal with it, then maybe you are addicted to their behavior or style of love.  It has made me evaluate what I may be addicted to in terms of behavior or even love.  Sometimes jumping from one addiction to another is just a form for us not to feel our real feelings.  It’s time to move on my loves.  It’s just a chapter in the past, do not close the book, just turn the page and re-write your own ending.