Tuesday, November 6, 2012

When you cant talk, Write it out....

First let me apologize for not finishing up my fitness series, but life got in the way. I promise I will complete the series…
 
 Okay now that I got that out, I want to talk about feeling a loss before it occurs.  Sometimes, we create this ideal with a person or a form of life. It’s what we know, what we have created, and what we expect from a certain person.  I know the person I am, I will turn 360 degrees to ensure that the person I care about never doubts it.  You can call it weak, but I call it love. It’s the affirmation that you will be there when you need them. The test of time is realizing and understanding that they may not be there when you need them.  This can be intentional or unintentional.  The problem is, the more unstable or let’s say Non-foundation a relationship is, the more you will interpret small things and make them into a bigger problem.  At this point I would say communication is key.  I know this…You know this…But when that person asks you what is wrong, you don’t want to seem dramatic and often choose to say nothing.  Why is it so damn hard to just say, why are you acting differently?  I think it boils down to your own judgment.  What I mean by this is are they really acting differently or are you more insecure thereby reading into the small details you never noticed before.  This is me.  I tend to read and overthink.  I would say I am a calm woman, have learned never to jump to conclusions, and go with the flow.  But at what point when your  I love you’s are coming more from you and not from them, do you start to read the signs. 
I think a very bad part of human nature is our conscience.  No one ever intends in hurting someone else nor would we want to.  It is just life.  Different ordeals require different support systems and maybe at some point your time as a support system runs out. I think when you notice this trend you have to see it for what it is.  I strongly believe that if someone wants to be a part of your life, they will damn well ensure you are in it.  They will do everything in their power to ensure you are getting what you need to feel wanted.  I’ve never asked for much is a relationship and I think this is a bad thing.  I think you should ask for the world.  Why allow an in limbo relationship? Do you hope the best for something that may never come out, or is it the whole ideal that you could possibly be that small margin that is lucky and pulls threw.
The positive to pull away from this is never change who you are or your expectations.  There is no need to create a dramatic playing field as well.  Simply pull back.  If the other person uses this to their advantage and does not respond, well you know the intentions and the loss will not be as hard to bear.  Sometimes with practice we learn how something will feel, and what it takes to put that feeling away.  Maybe that is what you needed all along to see what was in front of you. Your road is determined and people are placed as road blocks to show you how to find home.  Trust  you will not be led astray.

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