Waiting to Exhale…Or should I say Unfriend

At some period in a relationship, we have to make a decision on how beneficial is this relationship and or friendship to me? What emotions tie you two together, and are they positive or negative? Now we all know, if a person makes you upset more than happy it is normally a sign that you should move on. However, I am here to tell you, 98% of us DON’T! Why is this? If we know nothing will come from it, and if the circumstances are negative, what are you holding onto? Simply said, Breathe, Exhale and Let them go. Have the strength to know you longer need this person in your life and simply Delete them from your life, or in my case UNFRIEND.  A man I had been seeing recently, decided to part ways due to personal reasons.  These reasons were understandable to me, I was hurt never less, but I understood. The shady part starts during our last conversation.  RED FLAG! “Baby, I’m just thinking this thru, I am just trying to talk to you like you talk to me” “Baby, I love you”…Now, when I heard those 3 words, my head spun. First off, I had never even uttered those words to him, nor felt the need to. Now I will admit, yes I called him luv, sent cute little hearts and shit, but come on, when you have been thru as much as I have, I don’t throw those words out, unless I am really feeling you.  So I ask you this? If you are trying to break up with a girl, why would you say I love you? It’s almost like a hunter and a prey, what are you hunting my friend? My heart?…Wanting that other person to admit they have fallen fully for you? Anyways, it was confusing, and although I am a bit naive in love, but having been thru this before, I simply said, “I got it”. You see for me, love/relationships are black or white…There is no grey, and I won’t make excuses for that.  I don’t deserve nor need to live in a grey world. You either want me or you don’t.  You will either try or you wont. So after this initial break up conversation, I let go even more. You know a girl has got to protect her heart, and I didn’t expect to hear from this person, nor really wanted to.  The lover and friend side of me really wished that the communication was still there, but I am not one to make first moves. So I waited….and waited…2 weeks later, and meaningless little Facebook replies on my posts here and there, trying to act still interested in my life, this man contacts me again…This time says, “I’m sorry Tess I haven’t been in touch since our last conversation.” I sat back in my chair, looked at my computer screen, and thought to myself…WOW! Really…The nice side of me forgives and forgets, and simply stated how my feelings were hurt and I would like to know why.  To make a long story short, this man eluded to there had been reasons why he hadn’t contacted me, but “Cared about me” etc …So I asked him to tell me the reasons, and when I look back now and think “Why do I even need to know”…Well by day 2 and still no response, but yet I can see action on his Facebook.  At this point I have to assess my situation.  Do I live seeing his action every day, waiting for a response from him or do I simply EXHALE, DELETE, and UNFRIEND.  I took a hot shower and it hit me, I was holding onto a friendship that did not exist. I had my Answer! You see if a man disrespects you as a Lover and then disrespects you as a Friend then your answer is to close to home.  There is no answer that will satisfy your craving, you must simply admit to yourself that there is no beneficial relationship here.  What would they tell you to make you feel better, because in any case, they didn’t want you! Now I know that sounds negative, BUT IT REALLY ISN'T.  Too many of us are hung up on what we don't have, can't have, or won't ever have. We spend too much energy being down, when we could use that same energy – if not less of it doing, or at least trying to do, some of the things we really want to do.
Terry said it best in Waiting to Exhale, “Have being a wife and mother has afforded me the luxury of having multiple careers:  I’ve been a teacher, a chauffeur, a chef, an interior decorator, a landscape architect, as well as a Gardner. I’ve been a painter, a personal shopper, an accountant, and a banker. I’ve been a beautician, Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a movie reviewer, a nurse, a negotiator and a psychologist. And last but not least, I also have a Ph.D in How to Pretend Like You Don’t Mind ! “