Why are you running so much they asked?
I said “I don’t know it feels like the right thing to do right now. “I am looking to drop a feeling that is stuck in my gut, and when I run I no longer have to face it”.
“Well when will you stop running from your future?”
I said “My Future?”
Yes, your future!
You see the past has already happened; it has made you who you are today! But instead of allowing God to guide you, excepting you are at where you need to be at, you continue to feel that your path has went disarray and you must run away from the future. The path you are on is engraved into your life; you have no choice in the matter. What is to be will be!
I truly believe this is true. Each person is brought into your life to benefit you in some way or another. If that means they will be there long, or for a brief moment, you have to look back in your past and ask, “What did I learn from you?”. It’s the strength of not getting what you want but letting go and letting be. One day in the car, Osten and I were driving to school, and he asked me about a Man I had been seeing for a couple months. I let this man into my home, and the families got along very well. Osten asked why he hadn’t come over the house in some time, and I explained that we had broken up. Of course a young 8 year old, doesn’t understand the circumstances, and asked why? I tried to explain, well Mommy wasn’t very happy and that there are certain needs that need to be fulfilled and if someone can’t give that to you, and then it is time for you to move on. My 8 year old looks up at me with young innocent eyes and said, mommy, you broke up with daddy and now you broke up with Mr. So n So….you really need to stop breaking up with people! Whoa! At the same time a smile formed on my face, my heart dropped as well. How could such an innocent thought be so deep? What is it we run from? What is it I run from? The excruciating habit of getting what you want, and once you get it, you don’t want it anymore. I can’t guarantee those I have dated this year all fell into this category. I like to believe I left because I really wanted to, but has my self-defense grown so high from hurt, that I constantly sabotage a relationship before I can let them do it for me? I can’t answer yes or no. I know that I have fallen for 2-3 max people in the last two years. I have dated quadruple that amount. I deserved to, I needed to. I have learned…. give what you receive. And when I see that I am giving more, I decide there is no need to stick around and I move on. I believe it all boils down to a true bond between two people, when you meet the right person; both parties want to give all that they can to make it a reality. When you meet that person that is only willing to give 50% then it is no longer on you and you MUST have the strength to let go and let it be. You are not missing out, THEY ARE. I can honestly say I feel I have truly hurt ONLY one person this year, he wanted to give me the world, treated me like a queen, bought me stuff all the time, got a long great with my kids…well I blew him off, why, well honestly, it wasn’t there…superficially, he was just to hairy…It was like waking up to Sonic the Hedge Hog every morning, it was a definite turnoff, but I can admit I did him wrong, I didn’t return phone calls, I made my niece tell him where I was at, I ran from reality. What a slap in the face, especially, when my motto is "just be honest with me please". Bottom-line, sometimes honesty hurts, and sometimes running away is the only thing we know what to do. There aren’t any rules to running away from your problems. No checklist to pencil whip, no instructions, no manuals to refer to. It is as easy as eeeeny meeeny, minnny moe…pick a path and go. But if there are no rules, I wonder why it feels the same every time. What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding FEAR! That means, Watch it, Learn about it, COME DIRECTLY IN CONTACT WITH IT. We are here to learn about fear, not learn how to escape it.
I said “I don’t know it feels like the right thing to do right now. “I am looking to drop a feeling that is stuck in my gut, and when I run I no longer have to face it”.
“Well when will you stop running from your future?”
I said “My Future?”
Yes, your future!
You see the past has already happened; it has made you who you are today! But instead of allowing God to guide you, excepting you are at where you need to be at, you continue to feel that your path has went disarray and you must run away from the future. The path you are on is engraved into your life; you have no choice in the matter. What is to be will be!
I truly believe this is true. Each person is brought into your life to benefit you in some way or another. If that means they will be there long, or for a brief moment, you have to look back in your past and ask, “What did I learn from you?”. It’s the strength of not getting what you want but letting go and letting be. One day in the car, Osten and I were driving to school, and he asked me about a Man I had been seeing for a couple months. I let this man into my home, and the families got along very well. Osten asked why he hadn’t come over the house in some time, and I explained that we had broken up. Of course a young 8 year old, doesn’t understand the circumstances, and asked why? I tried to explain, well Mommy wasn’t very happy and that there are certain needs that need to be fulfilled and if someone can’t give that to you, and then it is time for you to move on. My 8 year old looks up at me with young innocent eyes and said, mommy, you broke up with daddy and now you broke up with Mr. So n So….you really need to stop breaking up with people! Whoa! At the same time a smile formed on my face, my heart dropped as well. How could such an innocent thought be so deep? What is it we run from? What is it I run from? The excruciating habit of getting what you want, and once you get it, you don’t want it anymore. I can’t guarantee those I have dated this year all fell into this category. I like to believe I left because I really wanted to, but has my self-defense grown so high from hurt, that I constantly sabotage a relationship before I can let them do it for me? I can’t answer yes or no. I know that I have fallen for 2-3 max people in the last two years. I have dated quadruple that amount. I deserved to, I needed to. I have learned…. give what you receive. And when I see that I am giving more, I decide there is no need to stick around and I move on. I believe it all boils down to a true bond between two people, when you meet the right person; both parties want to give all that they can to make it a reality. When you meet that person that is only willing to give 50% then it is no longer on you and you MUST have the strength to let go and let it be. You are not missing out, THEY ARE. I can honestly say I feel I have truly hurt ONLY one person this year, he wanted to give me the world, treated me like a queen, bought me stuff all the time, got a long great with my kids…well I blew him off, why, well honestly, it wasn’t there…superficially, he was just to hairy…It was like waking up to Sonic the Hedge Hog every morning, it was a definite turnoff, but I can admit I did him wrong, I didn’t return phone calls, I made my niece tell him where I was at, I ran from reality. What a slap in the face, especially, when my motto is "just be honest with me please". Bottom-line, sometimes honesty hurts, and sometimes running away is the only thing we know what to do. There aren’t any rules to running away from your problems. No checklist to pencil whip, no instructions, no manuals to refer to. It is as easy as eeeeny meeeny, minnny moe…pick a path and go. But if there are no rules, I wonder why it feels the same every time. What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding FEAR! That means, Watch it, Learn about it, COME DIRECTLY IN CONTACT WITH IT. We are here to learn about fear, not learn how to escape it.
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