Fairytales boil down to timing and love

Last night I attended a wedding of a friend’s friend. I had no intention going to a wedding, and diffidently was not dressed for this type of event. Wearing yoga pants, chucks, and a trademark scarf I decided what the hell, it might be fun.  When I walked in, the DJ was playing Disney instrumentals, and my friend explained that groom had proposed at Disneyland when the fireworks exploded.  Having been to Disneyland I imagined what a memorable night that must have been for these two.  The groom was an average looking man, and the bride was a petite beautiful woman.  She recently had tried out to be a raiderette for the Oakland raiders sometime last year.  In less than 10 months, her world had turned around.  I was told that sometime this last year, the bride and a lot of her friends had gone out.  She had a crush on a co-worker and he would not pay her any attention.  But shortly after she had met her soon to be husband.  The couple hit it off, and now tonight they were sealing their fate with her finalizing her vows stating you are my lover, my best friend, my soul mate. Seeing how pretty she was I thought, what the hell was wrong with the guy who blew her off?  I just was amazed. Having been married myself, nothing scares me more than the idea of getting married again, and when asked by people if I would get married again, I often say no, but sitting in this wedding made me yearn for that feeling again with someone.

As I watched this woman who looked so beautiful walk down the aisle to her enamored husband, I thought to myself, wow this was a quick relationship.  In my past, I have talked to people for more than a year and nothing arose out of it, and here they are getting married and getting ready to spend the rest of their lives together after a short  10 months.  And let’s say the person you love isn’t close to you.  Well I have met couples who have had long distant relationships going strong after 4 years. What this unfolded to me is that it’s not the circumstance you are in, it simply is the person.  I have always heard one person will always love the other more than one.  But I think when you meet that special person; there is nothing that slows down the process of love. Why would you settle for a love you have to chase, when you could have a love that wants you more and more each day.

One thing I have worked on in the past 2 years of singleism is being patient.  I no longer fret if I don’t hear from someone, as I know if it was truly the time, I would not be waiting, they would be pursuing me. In this holiday season, I think it is important to really look at what matters to you.  There are a lot of us singles out there and really because you haven’t met the one doesn’t mean they are not out there, you simply aren’t ready to pursue something that you really are not ready for. We all want to be loved, feel loved, and have that physical connection with someone; it’s what drives us out of the arms of someone we truly want to be with and into the arms of someone else at times.  If we are not finding what we are looking for in one person, we look elsewhere. This could be because of personality differences, different places in life or simply distance. The important thing to remember is you are not alone. Many of us are still looking for that special person to share our lives with.  All the in-between is just life’s lessons. 

I am thankful for my lessons I have had thus far. I am a better person for them personally and professionally. And after seeing such a beautiful event full of love I can’t wait to share that with someone one day. Until then, I am going to be thankful for all I have right now. My life, my children, and my career. Those are not going anywhere, and they are what I make of it.  I will continue to keep my standards high and leave those behind that leave no benefit to my life. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you’s and yours..

LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH...stop the dryer!

My dryer is tumbling and tumbling.  Strength I find, stand tall, and start to move forward comes and goes many times in my life.  I don’t know why I go back or why I feel the need to feel the pain, but something I have learned is it is something that I dealt with when I was very young. It was an unemotional love I grew up with and I never felt secure in my environment. Often I was left to care for myself or my siblings, making me the instant caretaker and has led to my nurturing nature.  Now I know there is nothing wrong with being a nurturer, I think it is important to step back and not exhaust your traits on love on someone who does not want it.  What I mean by does not want it, is they choose to use it to their advantage.  Sometimes by being strong and helpful to others we protect ourselves from the panic that comes at another person’s mercy. We then tend to be with people whom we can help in order to feel safe and in control. Tonight while listening to some music, tears came to my eyes, this has happened in the last two weeks a few times.  It’s that feeling of having no control over a situation.  I quickly swallowed my pain and decided it was not time for this.  I went on about my night, and while driving alone, I was left thinking why is it I am feeling this same pain again.  If you felt it once, why would you do it again?  It hurts the same every time Turaeza. And then it dawned on me, well Turaeza because you allow it.  You allow yourself to repeat this cycle. I am ultimately making that choice.  In the end, no one is doing anything to me that I do not allow.

Why do we go thru these ordeals? Well I think it is human nature to believe someone will change.  They will ultimately be or form into who you want them to be.  For example, while in a nonchalant relationship, I use this term loosely, as there is a great love there in my heart, I tell myself, it is okay for them to do what they want.  Why would I want to control what they are doing? The Old Catholic saying, whatever happens happens as long as I don’t know.  It’s so not ideal…I absolutely know what is going on. I am personally choosing to allow someone to not show me the respect I deserve or need in someone who truly loves me.  I know this.  I guess when you grow up without a loving environment it is where you feel comfortable. It is all I know; therefore tending to settle for it. But the steps I have made, and if you are in this situation you will make yourself is that you are aware of this, and with time, will eventually demand the respect or move on in your life. You see I and we deserve something more than the worst thing we can stand.  While sitting in my car, I began to tear myself apart, what is it I don’t have, is it because I have children, am I not pretty enough, young enough, used and abused…then I quickly realized what the F%$# am I doing. I am all of those things and more. My children are my life, so anyone who can’t handle that can simply step on, I am damn well beautiful enough, that is obvious by attention, I am still young by age in numbers and especially in looks. And there is nothing used or abused about a woman who almost has her Master’s degree, made E8 in 14 years, and is a great leader and friend to many people. The traits GOD gave me not everyone will have. I am so thankful, and I will never doubt those traits, especially for a man.

A great excerpt from a book I am reading goes along and says, There is an old joke about a nearsighted man who lost his keys late at night and is looking for them by the light of a street lamp.  Another person comes along and offers to help him but asks, “Are you sure this where you lost them?” “No, answers the man, but this is where the light is”.  When we are searching for what we are missing in life, not where there was some hope of finding it, but where, because sometimes it is much easier not to look. Even my subconscious sees my constant recycling of pain. I had a dream the other night, and while falling in my dream, I felt like I couldn’t control my fall. I just kept tumbling and tumbling on the ground. Falling deeper and deeper into a flat floor.  The floor is my foundation.  The foundation is there, but the fact that I was falling tells me it is my choice I am making and not anything I am doing wrong.  I see the choice, I know the pain, yet I still continue to allow myself to feel it.

Well honestly, I am not enjoying it anymore.  I have moved on from a lot of pain in my life recently that affected my livelihood, friends, and life.  I am stronger, smarter, and ready for battle.  I feel this way with my heart as well.  I am ready for war. I no longer will surrender.  I will no longer love too much. I will find my happiness within myself, and if someone comes along that enhances myself, well, you know what…He will earn a place in my amazing life.  He will in no way be the deciding factor if I am happy or not. Because inside I am already happy. I see it so clearly, it feels amazing not to feel alone with or without someone. Honestly I think it is more lonely when you are with someone and they make you feel alone.  These people have no place in your life. You have to take the life lessons they showed you and simply keep pushing forward.  They say if you let it fly away, and it comes back it was meant to be, well I think that is horseshit. A true man or woman that doesn’t recognize what is in front of them simply doesn’t deserve you. That is case and point. And I simply don’t believe anything less than that.

If the Ship is Sinking, Look for Your Anchor...

Bottom Lines and Deal Breakers

Have you ever considered what it would take for you to realize what is in front of you and how much you are willing to give to a particular person or subject before you slam your fist on the counter and scream, “This is a deal breaker”.  This can go for a lot of things, our careers, friends, and relationships.  I think each of us has deal breakers categorical in each of these arenas and apply them differently to different situations and or involvement.  Many times we shy away from a deal breaker or bottom line because we: 1) Don’t want to hurt the others person’s feelings. 2) Are fearful of the recourse and therefore live a lie. And 3) Simply are so afraid to try something new or start over it’s easier to deal with the present then actually Be Present and live life happily.  I think many could say ultimately we make excuses because we are scared of those 3 reasons.  We simply don’t have it in us to step into the unknown or ultimately are so comfortable with the current state we don’t want to face an obstacle alone.

Personally, I know I have different Deal Breakers and Bottom Lines between my personal and professional life.  It is much easier for me to see a subject as black or white in my professional issues then in my personal.  I am unsure why as both subjects get my heart thru passion.  I excel in both areas and want to succeed.  If that means I take care of one of my Airmen, or if I take care of someone I care about, their needs and wants and fulfilling those are my goals.  There are rules I live by every day in the Air Force that I know I won’t cross and I wouldn’t allow my Airmen to cross as well.  This ensures our mission is complete and we reach the end state we are seeking.  However, in my personal life, I tend to stretch those limits far.  I have deal breakers and bottom lines and see them oh so clearly when giving advice to friends and such, but when it happens to me, I accept the outcome and many times forgive the situation.  At some point though, you have to wake up and see that forgiveness is not key.  When your Airmen arrive late to work the first time, you discuss the issue.  If it happens a few more times, then there is an evident problem that needs to be identified and rectified immediately to correct this behavior.  This could be counseling or in extreme cases documenting the account.  Now, let’s apply this to a friend and or relationship.  There are other factors involved.  We don’t per say have a manual to follow when it comes to general respect. Therefore, I think we evaluate each occurrence as an individual case and choose to talk thru it maturely or ultimately move on.  It is so true that each person comes into our life for a reason, season, or lifetime.  We make that choice.  When you choose that, you have to evaluate your lifetime and decide when that benefit has run out.

The underlying issue here for me at least is fear of being alone.  I know I can be alone. I just so enjoy having that connection with one person.  Knowing I am the reason I put a smile on their face.  And when at the expiration of the relationship, I feel that I have failed in some way or another.  I don’t like to fail! Now professionally, I do the same thing, I have passion and pride in the Air Force because I know I am doing that.  I am taking care of my Airmen and that I am making someone happy.  It’s almost a child-mother relationship.  They can upset you, but you have no choice.  You don’t get to write them off.  You know that mind games are not appropriate and they have to abide by your rules.  However, as individuals, we don’t come with rules.  Who says, in order to be my friend or lover, you have to do this, this, and this.  If you don’t I’m going to write you up, and then you are still forced to be around me.  That sounds more like a marriage.  There is a good thing to this.  This means we get to pick who benefits us and why.  We don’t have to deal with it if we do not want to.  But when we choose not to deal with it, we know, game over, press this button if you want to play again and many of us, including myself are tired of it.  I think the end goal we are all seeking is really just to be happy.  Find friends and loved ones who motivate, listen, and support you. 

Advice I would like to share that I have gotten from a few people I love or have loved, especially when it comes to me and my style is.  Not everyone deserves your love.  Another was there are people out there that actually look for someone who is a giver and feeds on it, until it becomes too much of a game and finds a new person to suck from.  Additionally, go into a situation knowing that one person will always give more than another, or in some cases one person may love harder than the other.  So, if I won’t tolerate a mediocre performance from my Airmen, why would I accept one from someone I share my deepest thoughts and desires to?  If that is not a deal breaker I don’t know what is.

You have to choose people who inspire you to be the best you can be and never judge you.  I have never felt so judged then I have in the past 4 years by people I respect and or love.  Maybe that comes with age, and maybe that comes with personality changes.  We aren’t in our 20’s anymore and we know we make the decision of who we want to be with.  We don’t have time for games because, really, it’s just not worth our time.  We would rather surround ourselves with people who genuinely care about us.  Non-judgment I believe comes with age. It’s about accepting someone for who they are.  And really…if someone judges you, and pulls away, then they weren’t really there for you in the first place.  We are all entitled to our opinions, depending on your closeness voice our concerns, and ultimately decide if we can support this relationship any longer, but in the same token, if you don’t still feel love throughout another person’s transgressions then you need to admit your season is over.

I charge you and myself to find these bottom lines are or deal breakers.  You deserve to receive what you put into something.  If you excel in your duties, study and test well, you will get promoted.  Why would you do those things if you knew there was no chance at advancement?  Apply this theory to your personal life.  If you put in, give love, and support relationships and you know there is no chance for advancement, why would you keep doing it.  A mentor of mine shared a note with me the other day when I was thinking about the issue of forgiveness.  She said…”When you have asked for forgiveness, don’t lament over it.  Whether they give it or not, it is their bag to carry.  You were genuine in making right the wrong, it is not up to them to receive it.  You must not hold onto hurt.  People and relationships come into your lives for a reason, season, or a time.  Unfortunately, they choose.”

I hope you were able to learn something. Live your life and be present. There is great love for you here.

When you cant talk, Write it out....

First let me apologize for not finishing up my fitness series, but life got in the way. I promise I will complete the series…

 

 Okay now that I got that out, I want to talk about feeling a loss before it occurs.  Sometimes, we create this ideal with a person or a form of life. It’s what we know, what we have created, and what we expect from a certain person.  I know the person I am, I will turn 360 degrees to ensure that the person I care about never doubts it.  You can call it weak, but I call it love. It’s the affirmation that you will be there when you need them. The test of time is realizing and understanding that they may not be there when you need them.  This can be intentional or unintentional.  The problem is, the more unstable or let’s say Non-foundation a relationship is, the more you will interpret small things and make them into a bigger problem.  At this point I would say communication is key.  I know this…You know this…But when that person asks you what is wrong, you don’t want to seem dramatic and often choose to say nothing.  Why is it so damn hard to just say, why are you acting differently?  I think it boils down to your own judgment.  What I mean by this is are they really acting differently or are you more insecure thereby reading into the small details you never noticed before.  This is me.  I tend to read and overthink.  I would say I am a calm woman, have learned never to jump to conclusions, and go with the flow.  But at what point when your  I love you’s are coming more from you and not from them, do you start to read the signs. 

I think a very bad part of human nature is our conscience.  No one ever intends in hurting someone else nor would we want to.  It is just life.  Different ordeals require different support systems and maybe at some point your time as a support system runs out. I think when you notice this trend you have to see it for what it is.  I strongly believe that if someone wants to be a part of your life, they will damn well ensure you are in it.  They will do everything in their power to ensure you are getting what you need to feel wanted.  I’ve never asked for much is a relationship and I think this is a bad thing.  I think you should ask for the world.  Why allow an in limbo relationship? Do you hope the best for something that may never come out, or is it the whole ideal that you could possibly be that small margin that is lucky and pulls threw.

The positive to pull away from this is never change who you are or your expectations.  There is no need to create a dramatic playing field as well.  Simply pull back.  If the other person uses this to their advantage and does not respond, well you know the intentions and the loss will not be as hard to bear.  Sometimes with practice we learn how something will feel, and what it takes to put that feeling away.  Maybe that is what you needed all along to see what was in front of you. Your road is determined and people are placed as road blocks to show you how to find home.  Trust  you will not be led astray.

I…. Workout…. (1 OF 6 WEIGHT LOSS BLOGS)

STEP 1: Getting down to the issues

All right Loves…I have gotten some emails lately on what you can do to keep that weight down or to simply shed some extra loving off.  Many of you that know me now don’t know that I actually have struggled with weight issues my whole life and when I first joined the military I was on the weight management program.  Many reasons for this were my basic composite body type.  It is what worked for my ancestors and passed on down the generations.  It couldn’t have possibly had anything to do with the 64oz Big Gulp of Dr. Pepper I used to drink in high school. The funny thing is I never thought of myself as overweight, I wouldn’t even use the word fat.  I would say I was a bit thick. LOL…Anyways…I tried everything when I joined the Air Force. Starved myself, Diet Pills, Working Out, etc…If we fast forward 15 years now, I can now share 15 years of professional fitness and personal advice to help you get where you need to be.  And guess what! I’m going to give this to you for free.  No personal trainer required. You are going to need a pair of running shoes, a good sports bra, and an open mind.  So let’s begin….

First Step: Self-Evaluation: Why do you want to lose weight?  Now if it is a health answer then I am good with that, because I know you really want to do it for a reason.  We are human, and many of us need a reason to do something.  But if you are trying to get ready for a reunion, or possibly a cruise, I need you to realize, that once you lose a certain amount of weight, unless you make it a lifestyle, you will gain it all back plus 2/3’s more.  I can almost guarantee it.  So think of your weight history and remember a time of where you still ate healthy, were partially physically active, but if you wanted a cheeseburger, you ate it.  This is your normal weight.  I am 5’2…and I would say my comfortable weight without really trying to maintain a healthy life would be about 140 pounds.  I am comfortable there.  At this time I am 125 pounds.  Did you just see that 15 pounds difference from a comfortable weight to a desired weight?  So in saying this set a realistic goal.  My goal could be 115 pounds, and I might be able to get there. But could I honestly eat only white fish and egg whites for the rest of my life? NO…So there is no reason I ever need to be that small. 

Once you have set your desired and realistic weights, I want you to set your goal 5 pounds below your actual weight now.  You have to reach your realistic before you can reach your desired weight. Plus, if you’re overall goal is to lose 30 total pounds.  That’s a big goal.  The average person loses between one to three pounds a week.  So that would take about three to eight months depending on how much weight you lose. Thus, a 5 pound goal is very realistic.  Once you set that goal, pick a small reward for yourself and follow thru and buy it for yourself when you reach it.  This could be a new shirt, a purse, a pair of earrings, a book, anything, and if you are short on money, then maybe a set appointment for a bubble bath, or a desired meal when you reach it.  Here is the catch….You have to maintain the 5 pound weight loss for 48 hours before you can redeem the reward. The reason for this is I want you to put a positive connotation to losing weight but you need to realize what it took to get you there.  I would hate for you to work so hard to lose 5 pounds and not feel the motivation to keep going.  So are you following? 5 pounds at a time….And I don’t care how long it takes for you to lose the 5 pounds, 1 week, 1 month, all I ask is that you keep focused on your goal. You are done when you decide you are happy where you are at.

This is the bottom-line...It’s all about a lifestyle change. You need to dedicate yourself to a positive lifestyle change.  You know I write a lot about self-worth…loving your body, loving yourself.  Well it’s time to love you first.  I need you to charge that this is not a diet.  You are doing this to make you happy! Think positively...CHOOSING TO BE POSITIVE AND HAVING A GRATEFUL ATTITUDE IS GOING TO DETERMINE HOW YOU ARE GOING TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

So over the next 6 weeks, I have charged and dedicate myself to sharing my professional advice to help you.  I am doing this because I love you.  Many of my friends know although I am a personal trainer, I really never enjoyed training people, however, I do love taking care of my friends, and that is what I plan on doing! 

HOMEWORK WEEK 1

I will discuss eating tips and meal plans in our next  weekly blog… So until then…I need you to read this blog, read this blog, and read this blog.  Do some self-evaluating…

How is your self-identity? What is your 3 favorite attributes (Physical)

What is your overall goal?

Why do you think you turn to food? Do you do this when you are happy? When you are sad? Content?

What are your favorite three meals?

Google Clean Eating and read about it

RULES!!!! Starting today…..

No Soda

Limited Diet Drinks, Juice, Alcohol

Drink lots and lots of water…Lets purify that body (Plus your skin is going to look great)

Daily Multi Vitamin

No Added Salt on foods

No Fried Foods

If you plan on participating in this 6 week plan…please message me or simply respond to this post so I can reach out to you.

See you next week in my YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT BLOG…..

Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game

What an epiphany! When your brain finally takes the lead over your heart.  I wonder why it takes so long for an individual to realize something, and in turn decide to try the same thing over and over again, only to reach the same means to an end and ultimately repeat yourself.  The most important lesson from this is do you change what you do, completely close yourself off, live guarded, or find a way to live smarter?  Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we had a manual to help us understand what we should do; or maybe an activities book?  Do you remember the ones that gave you an option of how you wanted the book to end?  For happily ever after, please turn to page 62, for your chance you meet the Real Prince charming please turn to page 78.  Wouldn’t that be wonderful? Always knowing that your outcome is what you chose.  Life unfortunately is not written like this, and I reach out to you to not fall into the mouse trap and wish it was.  You see if life was exactly as you wrote it, you would no longer live your life, but your life would live you.  There would be no choice. You would simply do what was laid out before you.  And isn’t that what is so beautiful about life; never really knowing what comes next.
 

The element of suprise....There is a surreal adventure to not knowing.  Think of how simplistic our lives once were.  We now complicate our source, and the crazy thing is that we don’t complicate it necessarily with tangible objects, but we complicate it, thinking about what we could do better, what could have been, or shift the focus on us internally for some sort of blame to why you aren't where you should be at in this time of life. "When is it my time" you scream to yourself.

A common trend I see is when we dont like the outcome we would want, or unable to turn to page 78 for our ultimate destiny, we reach not at what the present is, but look deeper into our insecurities.  As if your insecurities have ever done anything good for you, lol, it is now the one area you reach to. We reach for the pain, instead of the present.  Do we do this so we can really feel? Is it like a negative attention our brain reaches for? Thus, we are not giving our heart or our brain what we really want or truly know, so we turn to page negative 64 to feel something.  I ask these questions, because I recently felt this and have no idea why I went to the negative in this situation.  I knew the outcome; I was okay with it and was ever grateful of my present moment.  I really can say I was happy at either the gain and or the loss in my brain.  I FINALLY WAS IN TOUCH WITH REALITY AND SPOKE THE SERMON.  So why when the actual moment presented itself, I romanticized the idea and let my heart feel more of a loss then my brain accepted.  As my brain knew I wasn’t losing anything.  I had gained a great deal.  I knew and felt love. I felt a confidence I hadn’t felt in long time. I felt empowered. And the epiphany over many lessons I had learned over the past year, had finally fell into place.

So why do we choose hurt instead of happiness?  We don’t!  It’s not a conscious decision.  We choose happiness over hurt; knowing that hurt is inevitably on the horizon.  Once it is time to hurt, we lose sight of why we chose to endure this pain.  We forgot that we knew the situation would change dramatically…literally, overnight.  New friends and new love would be thousands of miles away, forcing distance between you and your source of happiness.  We choose to disregard this harsh reality, or at least set it aside while we pursue happiness. As Shakespeare said; “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all”.  Many times, the game isn’t fair and the loss is seemingly inevitable due to circumstance.  Yet we still choose to play.  So what are we upset about?  That the game isn’t fair?  Or that we knew the game wasn’t fair, but still chose to play?

So in the end, enjoy the present, and know…that what you felt was real. You gave love and were loved.  Enjoy those simple pleasures of life.  God sending you an angel to remind you of something you have missed something you were searching for.These are tiny messages needed to understand and enhance you. Its all about the experience, or the game per say.  And what I finally realized when I turned to the hurt, got over it, and smiled at the thought of him.  I realized that I hadn't lost the game at all, we simply had ran out of time. And I am so thankful that I had the opportunity to play.
 

Is your Past drifting INTO your FUTURE?!?!

I felt compelled today to discuss how much you are willing to let someone run your mind.  What I mean by this, is at what point you move forward on your own and let go of your past.  We all have painful and merry experiences which have placed us where we are at this point in our lives, however, sometimes we continue to relive the pain.  I honestly believe this time will be different. That we are smarter now and we wouldn’t let the person who had hurt us in the past do it again.  I think we do this because we ultimately want to treat others the way we would like to be treated ourselves.  I choose not to be angry at someone who has hurt me.  I have learned that I would rather let go of the circumstances, and move forward. I always give someone a fresh start. I choose not to judge and think the best in everyone.  Some individuals may mistake this for a weakness, however, I know it is not something I should change, but instead, this characteristic is something I should embrace.  So many of us don’t know how to let go and we would rather fill our lives with drama then simply be happy.  I don’t think there is a solution to this, except at some point I think you have to give up on that person.  If you were built to love like I am, there is nothing that will change who you are.  You will always love the way you know how.  Kindness begets love and respect.  The right person will love this about you, and the wrong person will miss this amazing characteristic. I believe it’s important to follow your path, and if someone does not show you the same respect you show to them, then you need to think more with your mind and less with your heart.  In no way am I saying play games, but show them what it feels like to be left out. It is equally and even more important for you to realize that not everyone deserves to feel your love.  A true and honest friend or lover will earn that and reciprocate your actions.  You should never feel weak or taken advantage of when you do something special for someone.  I say this because I have felt it. Buying a card only to wonder to yourself, is this a little too much.  Texting a message and your heart dropping after you send it because it took 20 minutes – to hours for the person to reply.  What is the learning curve here?  Thru my experience, I have learned that you should often have the benefit of the doubt in the beginning.  Try not to set expectations, and enjoy what you have in front of you.  I used to let someone new in my life become the center of my attention.  This is no longer the case.  My mind no longer dwells, but instead I have learned to separate what and who is important.  I miss them, but not the way I used to.  I have finally accepted that because I enjoy someone at a certain point in my life, they were there to show me what I truly want in the next.  So if you are sitting at home on this lovely weekend and the past has encapsulated your mind, remind yourself that you pay for what you get.  If you spent $250 on this amazing dress you wanted and by the end of the night the seams were ripping, would you buy that brand again? No I think not. So what are you going to “pay” with your self worth, for someone who does not deserve your time? The dress will not get any better and neither will this person who hurt you.  Keep your eyes forward, and You Choose to not look behind.  There is a reason this person was in your life, and sometimes you need to accept, that their time is over. Keep your head up; there is great love for you here.