Bottom Lines and Deal Breakers
Have you ever considered what it would take for you to
realize what is in front of you and how much you are willing to give to a
particular person or subject before you slam your fist on the counter and
scream, “This is a deal breaker”. This
can go for a lot of things, our careers, friends, and relationships. I think each of us has deal breakers categorical
in each of these arenas and apply them differently to different situations and
or involvement. Many times we shy away
from a deal breaker or bottom line because we: 1) Don’t want to hurt the others
person’s feelings. 2) Are fearful of the recourse and therefore live a lie. And
3) Simply are so afraid to try something new or start over it’s easier to deal
with the present then actually Be Present and live life happily. I think many could say ultimately we make
excuses because we are scared of those 3 reasons. We simply don’t have it in us to step into
the unknown or ultimately are so comfortable with the current state we don’t
want to face an obstacle alone.
Personally, I know I have different Deal Breakers and Bottom
Lines between my personal and professional life. It is much easier for me to see a subject as
black or white in my professional issues then in my personal. I am unsure why as both subjects get my heart
thru passion. I excel in both areas and
want to succeed. If that means I take
care of one of my Airmen, or if I take care of someone I care about, their
needs and wants and fulfilling those are my goals. There are rules I live by every day in the Air
Force that I know I won’t cross and I wouldn’t allow my Airmen to cross as
well. This ensures our mission is
complete and we reach the end state we are seeking. However, in my personal life, I tend to
stretch those limits far. I have deal
breakers and bottom lines and see them oh so clearly when giving advice to
friends and such, but when it happens to me, I accept the outcome and many
times forgive the situation. At some
point though, you have to wake up and see that forgiveness is not key. When your Airmen arrive late to work the
first time, you discuss the issue. If it
happens a few more times, then there is an evident problem that needs to be
identified and rectified immediately to correct this behavior. This could be counseling or in extreme cases
documenting the account. Now, let’s
apply this to a friend and or relationship.
There are other factors involved.
We don’t per say have a manual to follow when it comes to general
respect. Therefore, I think we evaluate each occurrence as an individual case
and choose to talk thru it maturely or ultimately move on. It is so true that each person comes into our
life for a reason, season, or lifetime.
We make that choice. When you choose
that, you have to evaluate your lifetime and decide when that benefit has run
out.
The underlying issue here for me at least is fear of being
alone. I know I can be alone. I just so
enjoy having that connection with one person.
Knowing I am the reason I put a smile on their face. And when at the expiration of the
relationship, I feel that I have failed in some way or another. I don’t like to fail! Now professionally, I do
the same thing, I have passion and pride in the Air Force because I know I am
doing that. I am taking care of my
Airmen and that I am making someone happy.
It’s almost a child-mother relationship.
They can upset you, but you have no choice. You don’t get to write them off. You know that mind games are not appropriate
and they have to abide by your rules.
However, as individuals, we don’t come with rules. Who says, in order to be my friend or lover,
you have to do this, this, and this. If
you don’t I’m going to write you up, and then you are still forced to be around
me. That sounds more like a
marriage. There is a good thing to
this. This means we get to pick who
benefits us and why. We don’t have to
deal with it if we do not want to. But
when we choose not to deal with it, we know, game over, press this button if
you want to play again and many of us, including myself are tired of it. I think the end goal we are all seeking is
really just to be happy. Find friends
and loved ones who motivate, listen, and support you.
Advice I would like to share that I have gotten from a few
people I love or have loved, especially when it comes to me and my style
is. Not everyone deserves your
love. Another was there are people out
there that actually look for someone who is a giver and feeds on it, until it
becomes too much of a game and finds a new person to suck from. Additionally, go into a situation knowing
that one person will always give more than another, or in some cases one person
may love harder than the other. So, if I
won’t tolerate a mediocre performance from my Airmen, why would I accept one
from someone I share my deepest thoughts and desires to? If that is not a deal breaker I don’t know
what is.
You have to choose people who inspire you to be the best you
can be and never judge you. I have never
felt so judged then I have in the past 4 years by people I respect and or
love. Maybe that comes with age, and
maybe that comes with personality changes.
We aren’t in our 20’s anymore and we know we make the decision of who we
want to be with. We don’t have time for
games because, really, it’s just not worth our time. We would rather surround ourselves with
people who genuinely care about us. Non-judgment
I believe comes with age. It’s about accepting someone for who they are. And really…if someone judges you, and pulls
away, then they weren’t really there for you in the first place. We are all entitled to our opinions,
depending on your closeness voice our concerns, and ultimately decide if we can
support this relationship any longer, but in the same token, if you don’t still
feel love throughout another person’s transgressions then you need to admit
your season is over.
I charge you and myself to find these bottom lines are or
deal breakers. You deserve to receive what
you put into something. If you excel in
your duties, study and test well, you will get promoted. Why would you do those things if you knew
there was no chance at advancement?
Apply this theory to your personal life.
If you put in, give love, and support relationships and you know there
is no chance for advancement, why would you keep doing it. A mentor of mine shared a note with me the
other day when I was thinking about the issue of forgiveness. She said…”When you have asked for
forgiveness, don’t lament over it.
Whether they give it or not, it is their bag to carry. You were genuine in making right the wrong,
it is not up to them to receive it. You
must not hold onto hurt. People and
relationships come into your lives for a reason, season, or a time. Unfortunately, they choose.”
I hope you were able to learn something. Live your life and
be present. There is great love for you here.
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