When you quit trying to please, you realize the benefits of knowing now in your thirties what you didn’t in your twenties, looking at yourself and knowing your life is full without the presence of another person, surrounding yourself with positive interactions and distancing yourself from the negative, appreciating your true beauty regardless of what others think of you, and understanding that what others think of you or expect of you does not determine who you are, what you will be, or what lies in your future. Only what you think of yourself will determine this. Now, being a people pleaser most of my life, I really have to think on this one. Why do I do the things I do and why does it hurt me so when I disappoint those whose opinions really matter to me? And honestly, people I don’t even care about still hurt me if I think they think negatively of me. There are a few reasons for this.
One I am a genuine person. I know my actions are true and I do the things I do because it makes me feel good to do them. Now over the years of not getting back from people, I have drawn back on what and how much I give. I am more honest, and try not to avoid what I feel or confronting those feelings. At the same time, I also avoid drama. I could count on one hand of people that have truly given as much as I have towards a friendship. This isn’t a fail on my other friends though, it all boils down to how you are brought up. Which leads me to my next point and or question? What is it that makes someone a people pleasing person? What are you truly seeking when you love making people happy? Ultimately, my goal is to not associate a negative connotation to making those you care about happy, but I think there is a vast difference in people who do just to do, and people who do to please.
I heard a saying today that made me think…It went…”You only please because you want people to love you”. Wow…that made me think. Is there something that I am lacking that I have been trying to make up for all these years? I was raised in an unconventional environment. Spent a lot of time at bars from the time I was 7-12 years old. I remember sitting after school and waiting, eating Red Barron pizza and Shirley Temples. My favorite songs on the juke box were Happy Birthday and Mamma Don’t Let your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys. I think during this time in my life I struggled for a secure home front. I would walk 5 miles down a mountain by myself to attend summer school at church, hitchhike rides back up the mountain home. I remember brushing my hair with a fork when I could not find a brush, and I thank my Dad’s side for great teeth, because honestly I don’t remember brushing them at all. The struggles we face make us who we are, I can attest to that. And even though I struggled young I have succeeded older. But that doesn’t clean the skeletons in your closets. What you missed out on and you are trying to find when you are an adult.
So in pleasing and loving the only way I knew how is to give more to people then I would get back. I gave my childhood for the happiness of others. I grew up way before my time, and it is all that I know. Give to Others. For me personally, I don’t think it has to do with me not feeling loved, as I know my mother loved me, but I think I have been searching for security. And often I would please to create a secure structured environment. If that is a relationship, I was trying to establish a foundation to grow on, if that was work; I was trying to create continuity for others to have. Security is all I have wanted and I have continued to work for. I believe I truly associate Love with Security. Thus, I don’t know if I please to feel love, or more or less to create a solid foundation of something I envision to be “structured” in my eyes.
We are all individuals and our upbringings are the foundation of our personalities. I would suggest instead of asking what is wrong, you continue to pursue what you have done. They say Practice makes Perfect, But I believe you shouldn’t strive for Perfection; You should Simply Strive for Progress.
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