Is your Past drifting INTO your FUTURE?!?!

I felt compelled today to discuss how much you are willing to let someone run your mind.  What I mean by this, is at what point you move forward on your own and let go of your past.  We all have painful and merry experiences which have placed us where we are at this point in our lives, however, sometimes we continue to relive the pain.  I honestly believe this time will be different. That we are smarter now and we wouldn’t let the person who had hurt us in the past do it again.  I think we do this because we ultimately want to treat others the way we would like to be treated ourselves.  I choose not to be angry at someone who has hurt me.  I have learned that I would rather let go of the circumstances, and move forward. I always give someone a fresh start. I choose not to judge and think the best in everyone.  Some individuals may mistake this for a weakness, however, I know it is not something I should change, but instead, this characteristic is something I should embrace.  So many of us don’t know how to let go and we would rather fill our lives with drama then simply be happy.  I don’t think there is a solution to this, except at some point I think you have to give up on that person.  If you were built to love like I am, there is nothing that will change who you are.  You will always love the way you know how.  Kindness begets love and respect.  The right person will love this about you, and the wrong person will miss this amazing characteristic. I believe it’s important to follow your path, and if someone does not show you the same respect you show to them, then you need to think more with your mind and less with your heart.  In no way am I saying play games, but show them what it feels like to be left out. It is equally and even more important for you to realize that not everyone deserves to feel your love.  A true and honest friend or lover will earn that and reciprocate your actions.  You should never feel weak or taken advantage of when you do something special for someone.  I say this because I have felt it. Buying a card only to wonder to yourself, is this a little too much.  Texting a message and your heart dropping after you send it because it took 20 minutes – to hours for the person to reply.  What is the learning curve here?  Thru my experience, I have learned that you should often have the benefit of the doubt in the beginning.  Try not to set expectations, and enjoy what you have in front of you.  I used to let someone new in my life become the center of my attention.  This is no longer the case.  My mind no longer dwells, but instead I have learned to separate what and who is important.  I miss them, but not the way I used to.  I have finally accepted that because I enjoy someone at a certain point in my life, they were there to show me what I truly want in the next.  So if you are sitting at home on this lovely weekend and the past has encapsulated your mind, remind yourself that you pay for what you get.  If you spent $250 on this amazing dress you wanted and by the end of the night the seams were ripping, would you buy that brand again? No I think not. So what are you going to “pay” with your self worth, for someone who does not deserve your time? The dress will not get any better and neither will this person who hurt you.  Keep your eyes forward, and You Choose to not look behind.  There is a reason this person was in your life, and sometimes you need to accept, that their time is over. Keep your head up; there is great love for you here.

Have I Simply been Searching for Security?

When you quit trying to please, you realize the benefits of knowing now in your thirties what you didn’t in your twenties, looking at yourself and knowing your life is full without the presence of another person, surrounding yourself with positive interactions and distancing yourself from the negative, appreciating your true beauty regardless of what others think of you, and understanding that what others think of you or expect of you does not determine who you are, what you will be, or what lies in your future.  Only what you think of yourself will determine this.  Now, being a people pleaser most of my life, I really have to think on this one. Why do I do the things I do and why does it hurt me so when I disappoint those whose opinions really matter to me?  And honestly, people I don’t even care about still hurt me if I think they think negatively of me.  There are a few reasons for this.

One I am a genuine person.  I know my actions are true and I do the things I do because it makes me feel good to do them. Now over the years of not getting back from people, I have drawn back on what and how much I give.  I am more honest, and try not to avoid what I feel or confronting those feelings.  At the same time, I also avoid drama.  I could count on one hand of people that have truly given as much as I have towards a friendship.  This isn’t a fail on my other friends though, it all boils down to how you are brought up.  Which leads me to my next point and or question? What is it that makes someone a people pleasing person? What are you truly seeking when you love making people happy?  Ultimately, my goal is to not associate a negative connotation to making those you care about happy, but I think there is a vast difference in people who do just to do, and people who do to please.

I heard a saying today that made me think…It went…”You only please because you want people to love you”.  Wow…that made me think.  Is there something that I am lacking that I have been trying to make up for all these years?  I was raised in an unconventional environment.  Spent a lot of time at bars from the time I was 7-12 years old.  I remember sitting after school and waiting, eating Red Barron pizza and Shirley Temples.  My favorite songs on the juke box were Happy Birthday and Mamma Don’t Let your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.  I think during this time in my life I struggled for a secure home front.  I would walk 5 miles down a mountain by myself to attend summer school at church, hitchhike rides back up the mountain home.  I remember brushing my hair with a fork when I could not find a brush, and I thank my Dad’s side for great teeth, because honestly I don’t remember brushing them at all.  The struggles we face make us who we are, I can attest to that.  And even though I struggled young I have succeeded older.  But that doesn’t clean the skeletons in your closets.  What you missed out on and you are trying to find when you are an adult. 

So in pleasing and loving the only way I knew how is to give more to people then I would get back.  I gave my childhood for the happiness of others.  I grew up way before my time, and it is all that I know. Give to Others. For me personally, I don’t think it has to do with me not feeling loved, as I know my mother loved me, but I think I have been searching for security.  And often I would please to create a secure structured environment.  If that is a relationship, I was trying to establish a foundation to grow on, if that was work; I was trying to create continuity for others to have.  Security is all I have wanted and I have continued to work for.  I believe I truly associate Love with Security. Thus, I don’t know if I please to feel love, or more or less to create a solid foundation of something I envision to be “structured” in my eyes. 

We are all individuals and our upbringings are the foundation of our personalities.  I would suggest instead of asking what is wrong, you continue to pursue what you have done.  They say Practice makes Perfect, But I believe you shouldn’t strive for Perfection; You should Simply Strive for Progress.

The FIVE P’s of life...Purpose, Positivity & Pain, Pleasure, and lastly Pleasing

What drives you to make you who you are? The five P’s I have mentioned are my personal agenda.  I’m sure they have something to do with the way I was raised and what has ultimately made me who I am today.  You might have your own set of P’s or maybe A’s or maybe even Z’s.  Whatever words it boils down to, understanding you is all it takes for you to Be Present in Life and to learn to move on. Evaluating and understanding why you act a certain way is what path needs to be taken to keep trekking.  Let’s evaluate my five P’s and see if you can learn from mine.

PURPOSE: We all have a purpose here on this earth.  Each interaction we have with one person is also not a coincidence.  We are placed in these circumstances to take lives lesson and learn from them.  Our purpose is what we decide it is to be.  You can accept the fact you were raised in a drug invested environment on welfare and say to yourself “I have no chance of succeeding in life, this is all I know”.  Or you can grab LIFE by the tail and say, “NO! This is my life, my chance, to make something of myself!”  You may succeed and fail many times over during this quest, but ultimately it is up to you when you stop trying.  Trust in LIFE and your path, and that you would never be challenged with a situation that God didn’t think you could handle.  It may be something that crushes you, but if you learned from it, maybe that is what you needed to handle at that moment to put you in your next position of life.  Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness.  It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

POSITIVITY & PAIN: This is something we have all experienced.  Life isn’t life without some sort of pain.  It is one of the most disheartening feelings that our brain registers.  And when you can feel these brain waves down to your heart, then you know it is real.  There are many sources of pain.  Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, and Therapeutic; in my experience of course… and the funny thing is…one of the other types of pain can often help you counter balance the feelings you feel towards a particular subject.  Pain, although hurts, often fades over time and you are able to move on with a new purpose.  The important thing to remember is pain is only temporary and soon you will find something that will allow you to move on and forget what caused the pain in the first place.  Being Present and Positive is the best way to contradict the pain you are feeling. Being positive doesn’t mean you kid yourself that all things are great when you know they aren’t, it simply means to stay focused on the positive and keep creating you’re life the way you see it in your dreams.  I’d like to share some great words with you by a Dr. Peale:  “The person with the Positive Mental Attitude transforms stress into grace and picks the path to a successful outcome while others get lost in the forest of obstacles and pitfalls.  This is the real Power of Positive Thinking, the power to make the most out of every situation and to take action while others stand still explaining why it can’t be done.”

PLEASURE: Defining what is good or bad often is determined in your current environment.  It is what you or your surroundings establish to be moral or your personal virtues.  So if you know that something is wrong in a sense, why do you continue to pursue it?  In ancient Greek times they called this Akrasia.  This is when an individual decides that a certain course of action would be best for him and then acts against his own judgment.  I think pleasure is a derivative of desire and sometimes your desire for a particular goal or even a person is more powerful and can lead us against our better judgment.  I have been in this position over my lifetime, and ultimately I know that this is something that comes along with a passionate strong person.  You see, when you are strong you will go for what you want, what you see as your goal.  You don’t take into account the liabilities of a situation, because you allowed yourself to have tunnel vision.  You can’t change what you are passionate about but you can know that you act in this sense and put that flag up when you see a situation that may not be beneficial.  Know that not every goal is worth pursuing and act accordingly within your virtues.  However, I like to view pleasure as something that is Positive. I have heard in passing, when something is no longer fun, quit doing it.  So therefore, when you find no pleasure in what you do, I challenge you to find things that do give you pleasure.  The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you.  If you do that, you’re in control of your life.  If you don’t, life controls you.

PLEASING: I am naturally a people pleasing person.  I love making people happy and smile.  Don’t get me wrong, I won’t do things that I don’t want to do because someone wants me to do it. I know the difference between being used and being appreciated.  But I don’t hold back when I know that I am the reason a person is smiling.  This surrounds me, personally and professionally.  I love giving back.  I think it has to do a lot with being raised with nothing really.  I give not because I can, but because I know what it’s like to have nothing.  I am a great leader, because I know what it’s like not to have a mentor.  I am a great friend, because I have lost many over the years.  I am a great partner, because I feel there is someone who will make you smile uncontrollably and you shouldn’t let them go.  I am a great Airman, because I embrace individuality and diversity and know that these are the strengths our Air Force needs to move forward.  Any business owner knows that with time and generational changes, the times for change need to change as well.  If you take care of your people, your people will take care of you. Remember change is the way of life.  Those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.

Open your eyes, look within…Are you satisfied with the life you are living?